Growing Up

Tomorrow Isaiah will be 20 weeks old.   4 1/2 months.  Wow.

In this 4th month, I'm noticing how BIG he's getting to be.  My tiny little bundle would curl up like a froggie against my chest, content as can be.  Now, if I can get him to bend his legs (usually it's, "No thanks, Mommy, I'd rather stand!), his head no longer fits under my chin--instead, it rests on my shoulder.  My tiny little bundle looked teeny weeny in his big crib.  Now, he's filling it out.  Two nights ago after we put him down for bed, there was much thumping happening in his dark room. He loves banging his legs down.  He started fussing alot so I peeked in....he was sideways in the crib and his head and feet almost touched each side! How on earth?!????? That was a first.

Isaiah - 3 1/2 weeks

Aaah...sleep is a beautiful thing. - 18 1/2 weeks

He's always loved baths - from his first real one at around 14 days old, to every day since.  He's never once cried in his bath, no matter how tired he's been.   He has, however, cried a couple times when we've taken him out...in protest.   He LOVES to move his legs up and back because they squeak on the foam in the tub.  He loves to splash the water with his hands and feet.    This is what we say every night...  " What time is it?  Bath time! What time is bath time?  Splash time!" :)

1st bath!  (2 weeks old)

Notice the look of squeaking concentration...(16 weeks old aprox...).

May 16, at CQBC's student graduation.

My little new baby is becoming a wonderful, delightful, little person.  Oh how we love him.

  

The Balance of One

 I must admit that I haven't felt very inspired lately, which accounts for the lack of postings this month.  It's been a busy month as I try to catch up and keep up on work while preparing for all the big events this summer.  We also went on vacation for a week, house-sitting about an hour and half away.  I got spoiled having Andrew around all the time to help with Isaiah. :)

In the midst of those things, I guess it felt like life had finally stabilized. Figures.

 The last week and a half have been a bit rough as far our handsome offspring goes.  He's had trouble nursing for several weeks (fussing and crying before and during, making motions to latch on only to take one suck and break off, crying, etc etc), which gets alternately better and worse depending on the day/week. We're trying to work through that, but it's been difficult to figure out what the problem is.  As a mommy, it is VERY difficult feeling like the one thing that should always give him comfort is something that seems to frequently give him discomfort, pain and/or make him upset.  Then his night-time sleeping habits have also been getting crazy the past while.  So Andrew and I are both getting a bit sleep deprived again, and this makes my ability to emotionally cope with his nursing woes small...very small.  We'd appreciate prayer in this area. :)

However, these aren't the things I wanted to talk about in this post.   Actually, I wanted to talk about our bank account, seeing as we just passed tax season!  Yes, our bank account.  This week, as we received a refund from our Canadian taxes (we don't receive a 'salary' in Canada!) and a check from the Canadian government --that will come monthly--for child support/care (for our Canadian-born, US citizen baby!), I've been reminded anew at the Lord's INCREDIBLE provision in our lives.  Which then in turn reminded me of our bank account and what I noticed a couple months ago.

Are you ready??!??!  This is amazing.  In the year 2011, Andrew and I saved $1 dollar.  As in, at the end of  the 12 month period, we had one more dollar in our US bank account than we did at the beginning of the year.  Now, under typical situations this could be looked at in a negative light.  I mean, how is $1 going to get your children through college? Or build your investment portfolio?  Or add to your retirement fund?  It won't.

 But in our situation, it represents the Lord's care over us.  Our monthly salary of a few hundred dollars comes from people who faithfully give to us, supporting our family and our ministry in Quebec.  The $1 means that despite several expensive car repairs, high charges for normal car/driver's license stuff (only in Quebec!!!),  super expensive gasoline all year and the countless trips to Montreal for Drs. appointments, a trip to the States to see our families, the expenses of pre-and post-natal care for our baby, moving into a new house, and a host of other expenses, the Lord knew exactly the amount we'd need for the year. And He provided, down to the dollar.  On paper, our expenses should have FAR outweighed our income, and yet, we had extra leftover.

This made me so excited when I saw it!  Now, a few months later, we've received another blessing from the Lord by way of the Canadian government.  I mean, we're here on a one-year volunteer Visa.....it seems a little silly that they want to give us a refund on taxes and monthly child-care support. If they insist, though, there aren't any complaints here! :)

(Insert hour and a half break for supper and putting Isaiah to bed....)

Hmm, now that I've lost my train of thought, I guess that's it for now--just this Mommy being full of thanksgiving for the Lord's goodness.

Here's a fun moment from the day--I can't get enough of this cute face!

Discovery

This week Isaiah has discovered his hands. They are incredibly fascinating, mysterious, and entirely frustrating. These things called fingers move, clasp together, intertwine, and somewhere, somewhere there is a thumb that is meant to be sucked. (The knuckles just aren't as tasty!)

It's a very entertaining process of discovery to watch. We are also thinking he may end up being a lefty, as he very much favors his left hand in all of his activities.

The last two or three days, these hands are also getting in the way of sleep-time. I mean, seriously, who would want to sleep when instead you could stare at your hands and wiggle your fingers for hours on end? Not me, thank you very much! (speaking for Isaiah...) Ha! It's actually nothing as dramatic as that, though he does seem much too busy playing with his hands/fingers to get sleepy. They are just soooooooooooo interesting. :)

It's the thumb that is the most frustrating. It's right there--so close I can practically taste it! I just Can't. Get. It. In. My. Mouth! (Speaking for Isaiah again.)

Frustrating for both Isaiah and Mommy. He still needs the swaddle to sleep well, but he fights trying to get his arms out so he can suck his fists (seeing as his thumbs are still unattainable), especially when he spits out the pacifier. This will be fine once he can get his thumb, but now he just gets so aggravated stuffing his hand in mouth and not getting what he's after that he wakes himself up over. and over. and over again. So Mommy re-swaddles him over. and over. and over again. It's like trying to swaddle Houdini! I just got this swaddle sack thingy at Wal-Mart yesterday to see if that will be better than the receiving blankets, which are clearly becoming inadequate. :)

Isaiah's 3 month birthday is today. Wow, so fast! It seems like in all the books and blogs that 3 months is some kind of 'magical' age where good things happen for sleeping and development, so I'm eager to see what the next month brings. He is doing great, sleeping good at night and most of his naps, and learning so much. I'm incredibly thankful to witness such a beautiful little life.

Looking cool with Daddy.

Moments to Remember

A few days ago I was sitting in our rocking chair, snuggling with Isaiah before I put him down for a nap. I noticed his wispy fohawk, long dark eyelashes, and cute little mouth. It was such a peaceful moment, and it got me to thinking about moments since his birth that I remember.

I figured these moments would be fun to document, because hey, let's face it, due to lack of sleep and trying to figure out what-on-earth-are-we doing-and-how-do-we-do it, there aren't that many moments that I remember super clearly since December 29th....

LABOR:

Someday I may write about this experience in the full. :) Until then, a couple highlights:

-The time is 10:30pm, December 28th. It'd been a long day in Montreal with a Dr. Appt in the A.M., braving a big snowstorm during the day, and picking my mom up at the airport in the P.M. Up early, with no nap. I am one tired pregnant lady. I crawl into bed, and just as my head hits the pillow (literally), my water breaks. "Um, Andrew?" "Yeah?" "I'm pretty sure my water just broke." (this was super exciting, but I also just wanted to sleep!)

Here I am, the contractions were getting worse: it's about 2am and Andrew's

loading up the car to head back into Montreal.

-The time is 6:55am, December 29th... Because Isaiah was not turned the right way for delivery, the nurse had me lay in 4 different positions (15 min in each, all of which were super painful, by the way), to try and turn him. I turn into the 4th position, and vomit profusely. All over my bed and myself, on the floor, and apparently--as I found out later--on Andrew (who totally took it all in stride, what a guy!). The nurse's shift ended at 7am, so it was like a good-bye present! haha... I felt bad, although she was not very nice, friendly, sympathetic, or understanding. She's known to us now as the "mean nurse".

-The time is 11am, December 29th... I'm wondering: will this ever end??!? Not sure how much more I can take-- I was around 8-9 cm dilated. Christina, the nurse who came at 7am, and was with us through the delivery (an incredible nurse...we were sooo blessed by her encouragement and support), suggested I get into the bath they had available to try and relax so my body could progress into the next phase. I did, and for about 10 glorious seconds: BLISS. I remember what felt like a smile come across my face, and I felt not a single bit of pain as I slipped into the bath. What relief. Granted, that only lasted those amazing 10 seconds, and then my contractions got much more intense, but it was a welcome respite, and it worked! After 30 minutes I was ready to go back to my room and push.

BABY

-It was either the 1st or 2nd night in the hospital. It was the middle of the night, probably around 2 or 3am. Isaiah had just eaten, and Andrew was going to get him and put him back in his bassinet so we could all go back to sleep. (While pushing, I had pulled on my legs while I pushed, and so my arms were totally shot. It was difficult just to carry my little 7lb baby, and getting out of bed while holding him was pretty much impossible, so I needed Andrew in order to get Isaiah back in his bassinet.)

Andrew had laid back down - "Just wake me when you're ready." Well, I was ready, and quite eager to sleep myself. "Andrew. Andrew. (Isaiah is sleeping, so I'm trying to get Andrew's attention but not yell loud enough to wake Isaiah.) Andrew! Andrew! PSSSST! Andrew!!" This is not working. Hmm....what can I throw? I see a pack of Saltines on my bedside tray, and huck it at him. I just missed, but it still made a racket smacking the floor next to him. ANDREW!!! After about 30 times of saying 'Andrew', I gave up. And immensely enjoyed my tiny, new, sweet sleeping bundle snuggled up against my chest. I didn't sleep much the next couple hours, but the memory was worth it.

Andrew's magical pull-out chair/bed....which was apparently very comfortable!

-In Week 1: I cried the first time I thought of Isaiah as being a man. I'd been holding my precious tiny child after he'd been crying quite a while, and then he fell asleep in my arms. All of a sudden, I got a picture of me as a 50 year old with grey hair, and this tall, dark, handsome man walking by. I couldn't stop the tears.

-In Week 2: During this week he was up many times in the middle of the night. This particular night, he'd been up crying since 1am. It was now 4am. I had brought him out into the living room with me so as to hopefully let Andrew sleep a bit, and we snuggled on the couch. I whispered in his ear that that I would hold him as long as he needed me to hold him, now and always. That Mommy was here for him, and that I loved him so much. About 5 minutes later he stopped crying, and fell asleep.

This is long enough for now, but I hope you enjoyed a few moments with me in this journey of mommy-hood.

Here is Isaiah last week. I asked Andrew to dress him, and this is what he brought him out in. :)

I interpret this look as: "Mommy, I'm sleepy. Do I really have to take pictures now?"

Transformation

"Transformation is not a future event. It is a present activity."

Wise words from Jillian Michaels.

I am currently dealing with the reality that I may have eaten a few too many snacks and evening munchies during my pregnancy. Working in the kitchen 10-12 hours every day with lots of yummy food always available wasn't really in my favor thistime around. I had kinda imagined that all my pregnancy weight would just magically melt away. Hmm.....still waiting....

Well, truthfully, in some ways it did. The 30 lbs of normal pregnancy weight did seem to vanish quickly and magically. It's the, uh, over-and-beyond pounds that want to stay. So. Now I have an 11 week old baby, and unless I want to wear my maternity pants forever (which are getting baggy), or buy a whole new wardrobe (which we really can't afford), I need to get serious about kicking this body into action.

I starting a few weeks ago with some not-too-intense workouts, and they were good. I wanted to get moving but not wear myself out for the day. But now, I mean business. That means it's time to bust out the Jillian Michaels DVDs!

This woman is intense, and I love it! My best-ever workout buddy Laura and I spent many hours in the last 2 years sweating to the sound of her and Bob Harper's voices. (Bob also does excellent, intense workout - they are all at least an hour long, so be prepared.) Last night I was home alone as Andrew was at the Center's annual men's retreat, Isaiah was asleep, and there weren't many excuses left. I put in Jillian's "Ripped in 30" DVD, which I got last April right before I found out I was pregnant.

It was both exhilarating and a bit depressing. Great because I love to get intense with exercise. I mean, if you're going to exercise, you may as well give it 110%, right?! Depressing because in May, at 10 weeks pregnant, I could do the Week 4 workout, which is pretty wild. Now, 10 months later, Week 1 was tough. *sigh* After about 15 minutes last night I reluctantly unscrewed a few pounds off my dumbbells--it's good to sweat, but I knew it'd be smarter to ease into things a wee bit more, so I could still move today. :) Still, it also felt great because it was a side of me that I hadn't got to see in a while, and I realized that I don't need to lose it to motherhood. Fitness has always been important to me and I'll be happier and healthier if I keep it a priority.

Anyway, I am sore today, and it's such a good feeling to feel those muscles again that I haven't noticed in a while. (Seriously though, like where on earth did my abdominal muscles disappear too!??!) Jillian usually has some bit of self-help advice at the end of her workouts in the cool-down ("Be better, be more, do more in every area of your life"...Thank Jesus that I can depend on HIM for strength in each day!)), but I appreciated her comment on getting fit and losing weight. "Transformation is not a future event." It's so true. Transformation happens in the little choices throughout the day. The decisions to get moving and exercise each day, the decision to put down the 2nd cookie and pick up an apple instead.... :) You get the idea.

So here's to the transformation. It may be a long road, but I'll get there. Just you wait. Want to join me? :)

Lost and Found

The last couple weeks have been....interesting. Really hard, but full of beautiful moments with Isaiah as he is smiling, cooing, and generally stealing our hearts away. What a gift he is to us!

Right now we are having trouble with daytime naps. Like, lots of trouble. Because of that, I am consumed right now with naps. I think about them all day long--when he's sleeping, when he's not sleeping, in the shower, before bed, in the middle of the night feedings, when I wake up, eating, cleaning, working, etc etc. I've read countless blog posts from experience moms, books on newborns, books on sleep for babies, and on it goes. I keep logs of all the day's activities, lengthen his waketime, shorten his waketime, more stimulation, less stimulation. *sigh* It's exhausting. Each nap-time is a new opportunity for success, and many times it feels just like another chance for failure. I usually have a minor breakdown each day. Today, it was a MAJOR breakdown.

Funny thing was, as I put Isaiah down for the 2nd time in his napping period after 30 minutes of us both crying, he went to sleep. For a solid hour and 45 minutes. The longest he's napped in his crib in a single period since Tuesday. It gives me hope. Hope that I'm not doing something chronically wrong. Hope that we'll figure it out together. Hope for more predicable days where Isaiah gets the rest he needs and Mommy can get stuff...or anything... done.

In the midst of these daily challenges, I have Lost and Found many things in the past few weeks.

-I have Lost my identity in my work.

--I have Found my identity is in Christ alone.

-I have Lost the strength to carry on by myself.

--I have Found energy through Him who sustains me.

-I have Lost many hours of needed sleep during night feedings.

--I have Found joy in watching my precious child enthusiastically nurse and fill his tummy.

-I have Lost my expectations for accomplishing a long To-Do list.

--I have Found satisfaction in doing even one thing each day.

-I have Lost the notion that I can do it on my own.

--I have Found that through Christ I can do all things.

I am also learning what it means to put another's needs before my own. I am learning to be a Mommy.

Onward

The life of this mommy has been full of ups and downs the last few weeks - I hope for all our sake's it will begin to level out soon. Last week was pretty awful. I thought about writing during it, but couldn't get past it sounding like one big poor-me fest. I tried, even in the midst of it, to figure out if my feelings were valid or if I were dramatizing the whole situation. I felt terribly lonely, and so alone, forgotten, and not needed in this place. Everything has changed about our life, and I find it hard sometimes to not be a little bit bitter that I am one whose world has most been turned around. I need to be careful. Bitterness and resentment are terribly easy to grow, and awfully hard to kill.

After a whole bunch of tears that weren't totally warranted, I also realized that I just need to take this mommy business easy. All these parenting books I've been reading make me feel pressure to do everything just right so Isaiah will grow and develop optimally. But you know what? Sometimes the best thing for him (and me) is just some good snuggle time...it makes everything so much better!

Isaiah is 7 weeks old today....I think part of the troubles we were having corresponded with his 6 week growth spurt? Ah well. It's a new week, and a good one! He has consistently been going to bed around 9pm, with a wake-up to eat around 3-4am, then back to bed until 7am or so. We are starting to get a decent amount of sleep again, with much less stress at bedtimes then for the first 5 weeks of his life! It's definitely a blessing.

I captured some of his big-dimple grins...I will try to post them up when our Internet isn't being so slow. :)