Lost and Found

The last couple weeks have been....interesting. Really hard, but full of beautiful moments with Isaiah as he is smiling, cooing, and generally stealing our hearts away. What a gift he is to us!

Right now we are having trouble with daytime naps. Like, lots of trouble. Because of that, I am consumed right now with naps. I think about them all day long--when he's sleeping, when he's not sleeping, in the shower, before bed, in the middle of the night feedings, when I wake up, eating, cleaning, working, etc etc. I've read countless blog posts from experience moms, books on newborns, books on sleep for babies, and on it goes. I keep logs of all the day's activities, lengthen his waketime, shorten his waketime, more stimulation, less stimulation. *sigh* It's exhausting. Each nap-time is a new opportunity for success, and many times it feels just like another chance for failure. I usually have a minor breakdown each day. Today, it was a MAJOR breakdown.

Funny thing was, as I put Isaiah down for the 2nd time in his napping period after 30 minutes of us both crying, he went to sleep. For a solid hour and 45 minutes. The longest he's napped in his crib in a single period since Tuesday. It gives me hope. Hope that I'm not doing something chronically wrong. Hope that we'll figure it out together. Hope for more predicable days where Isaiah gets the rest he needs and Mommy can get stuff...or anything... done.

In the midst of these daily challenges, I have Lost and Found many things in the past few weeks.

-I have Lost my identity in my work.

--I have Found my identity is in Christ alone.

-I have Lost the strength to carry on by myself.

--I have Found energy through Him who sustains me.

-I have Lost many hours of needed sleep during night feedings.

--I have Found joy in watching my precious child enthusiastically nurse and fill his tummy.

-I have Lost my expectations for accomplishing a long To-Do list.

--I have Found satisfaction in doing even one thing each day.

-I have Lost the notion that I can do it on my own.

--I have Found that through Christ I can do all things.

I am also learning what it means to put another's needs before my own. I am learning to be a Mommy.