Since becoming pregnant last year, there have been many, many choices and decisions Andrew and I have had to make regarding our baby. When I had imagined being a parent, I had no clue about most of these decisions we'd face. Some of them have been easy, but some of them have been very hard. I think we've both said the phrase "I don't know what to do..." more times in the past 8 or 9 months than we have in several years!
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| Photo by Vanessa Siemens |
I wanted to go through these situations - primarily to document them (as my memory of the early months is already quickly fading), and also to maybe highlight some areas of thought for the parents and parents-to-be who might come across this blog. There are hundreds of other decisions to be made, but the ones listed below are a couple of the decisions and choices we had to make that surprised me, or that I hadn't considered before becoming a parent.
#1: Labor & Delivery: A natural birth or with drugs? L&D is a huge unknown in terms of how it will go for each woman, but you can go into it with well thought-out requests and goals. At the beginning of my pregnancy, the thought of labor TERRIFIED me. I would get very anxious thinking about it, and I just assumed that I would get an epidural. Well, we happen to be surrounded by women here who have each had several children all naturally. One of them (she will be probably read this - Hi! :) ) asked me a variant of the above question and gave me several books to read on natural child birth. Simply becoming much more informed on the birthing process helped calm my nerves substantially. My desire to have a natural birth developed and bloomed - one, for my baby, so he would have the most 'clean' start of life I could offer him, and two, for me, because I formed this idea that women recover faster from a natural birth... Of course, there was also the fact that I was quite scared of the epidural needle..... :)
I realize that epidurals (and now C-sections) are very common place, and most babies/mothers aren't harmed by these interventions - and for some, they are necessary to the health of both! But no matter your choice, or what happens once the labor begins, I think it's important to do a little research and simply consider the benefits a natural childbirth experience can offer--for you and your baby. That way you can go into your L&D confident, knowing you're comfortable with what choices you'll make or might need to make during the process.
#2: Circumcision: To circumcise or not circumcise? Whaaaat?!?! This question was also brought to my attention. I has previously assumed that basically all little boys were circumcised...? Once again, I did a little research, and learned it's no longer a 'given' or such a huge trend any more in North America ( as it was a couple decades ago). There are many reasons people have when deciding to circumcise or not circumcise, but either way, it doesn't appear to affect the boy's long-term health or safety. Seeing as they would be slicing and dicing my sweet little boy, I decided it was worth pondering. We were then able to make our choice, not 'just because it's what everyone is doing', but because we had thought through the pros/cons and would do what we thought was best for our child.
#3: Breastfeeding: I always knew I wanted to breastfeed my babies. For their health and immune systems, to help with my post-pregnancy weight loss, and because it was FREE! And much less hassle than formula and bottles. Everyone said it could be very difficult, and would be painful at first, but I wasn't too concerned. After all, this was what we were made to do, right? I skimmed a couple articles and books about breastfeeding beforehand, but that was about it. Well, it turns out it wasn't all that easy. Isaiah seemed to do well - he was growing and was healthy, but me....that was a whole different story. The first 3 weeks after his birth were far more painful than labor, simply because the pain from nursing was constant, often intense, and there seemed to be no end in sight. The pain was the worst while I fed him, but it almost never went away after and in between. I quickly became knowledgeable on many aspects of nursing, including the baby's latch, nursing positions, a large list of possible complications/infections and how to treat them, and so on.
At 4 weeks, I was able to see a lactation consultant. She was very nice, but I left feeling even more discouraged, because she couldn't find any reason of what could be wrong. I tried the couple things she suggested, but they didn't help. Some days the pain was ok to deal with, some days it was nearly intolerable. I had become an ibprofen junkie--I knew exactly when I could take my next pill, and longed for the time to go faster! This after rarely taking any medication for cramps, headaches, broken bones, or sickness my entire life.
By 5 weeks, it still hurt, but much less than the first 3 weeks. Around the 8th week, I was going to bed one night and noticed that wow, everything feels ok! By 10 weeks for sure, all the pain was gone totally. Nursing became much like I had always imagined it would be - a sweet time of closeness to hold and nourish my little baby.
The point is, it was tough. There were many times I wondered how long I'd be able to keep it up - 6 months? a year? How long could I endure the pain? But, it DID go away, and I'm so thankful I didn't get up. I'm thankful for all the people who prayed for me. I'm also very thankful to Andrew for his never-ending support, love, and encouragement, and for all the times he shared my tears.
I know that breastfeeding doesn't work for everybody, and that not everyone wants to do it, and of course that's totally OK. It's a choice that needs to work for the whole family. I definitely don't think I would have made it through, sticking it out, if Andrew hadn't been so supportive. So if you WANT to breastfeed your baby, keep pressing on through the tough first days and weeks. For us, it has been worth it.
#4: Immunizations: Ooooh, touchy subject. Yes, I know. You may get tired of hearing this, but I had also assumed that everybody got vaccinated. Turns out, it's not true. Shocked? I was! I've met several families recently who have chosen not to get their children vaccinated, or at least not on the schedule recommended by the CDC. Naturally, I was very curious to know why--what about the vaccinations would hold them back or lead them to their decision? I began to hear some arguments against vaccines--their possible dangers/complications/side effects, what they are made up of, and a general concern for the safety of the immunizations in their children. Hmm. I had never heard any of these thoughts - only the ones for getting vaccinated. Isaiah already had his 2 month vaccination appointment scheduled, and as the date drew nearer I got panicky. What should we do? Could they really harm him? Do the benefits outweigh the risks?
I didn't know enough about it to feel like I could make the right choice for our baby. We decided to keep the appointment - but the whole time I was feeling so nervous! Were we doing the right thing?!?! Fast forward 2 months - it had been a rough several weeks as Isaiah had developed some extreme fussiness before/during nursing , lots of crying, poor sleep, and we just couldn't figure out why. We started taking him to a trusted Chiropractor we knew, and she noticed a lot of congestion in his digestive system, some areas where his nervous system was going a bit haywire, and other areas his body was 'stuck'. (This is my translation. :) ) The visits of very gentle adjustments seemed to help him alot, but still didn't make it all better. Then we also realized all these things had started about a week about his 2 months shots, and I was scared that that the two were linked.
Now it was time for his 4 month shots. He was just starting to get back to 'normal'....what should we do? We had begun doing LOTS of research on vaccines, (which is extremely overwhelming) and we didn't know what the right choice was. After all, how many millions of children gets these shots and are fine? But then again, how many are not fine, and have long-term complications? Back and forth, back and forth I went. Believing that vaccines were the right thing to do, for society and for his long-term safety, and yet unsure of if they were safe for him, right now. My brain was frantic in trying to decide as the day of his appointment drew nearer.
Finally, a conversation with my mom helped calm me. She said that either way, I will need to make a choice. And then, once the choice is made, no matter what it is, I will then need to walk in faith, trusting God to protect him. And it's totally true. Isaiah is first and foremost God's child - how much more is he loved by God, his loving Creator, than by us, his parents? I need to rest in Christ, knowing that He is looking out for Isaiah's well-being on a much greater level than I can ever do.
1st lesson learned: Isaiah is in God's hands, and in that, I rest.
2nd lesson learned (again): Do some research so we can make informed decisions for our children.
#5: Diet: For many mothers, this can become a point of huge sacrifice for their babies, if they're breastfeeding and their baby is intolerant or allergic to something (dairy, eggs, gluten, etc). I'm very lucky and thankful that Isaiah hasn't had any issues with what I eat. In the first several weeks, though, I was very careful about what I ate because I was nervous it might affect him. I was careful with too much fruit, dairy, sugar, and continue to be closely watch my caffeine intake. Caffeine can be one of the hardest ones, because new mommies, like myself, are sooooooooo tired. But, I'm learning to live on the strength the Lord provides for the day instead of a 2nd cup of coffee or Diet Coke. :)
#6: Sleep: To let cry or always soothe? Who knew that a baby's sleep would be so complicated?! I certainly didn't! The thoughts of sleep has dominated my thoughts since Isaiah's 7th or 8th week of life. He's become a chronic 45 minute napper - which means he basically ALWAYS wakes up at the 45 minute mark (which is how long it take for a baby to go through a sleep cycle), though he needs about 1 hour 30 minutes+ per nap to be really well rested. This has been a huge struggle, as he usually doesn't fall asleep very easily for the rest of his nap. I've gotten good at doing other things in my life in 45 minute increments. :)
Anyway, a baby needs to learn how to fall asleep, as all we adults have learned to do in our early childhood as well. Some are better sleepers than others, and learn how to soothe themselves pretty quickly. For others, it's more challenging. There are many methods out there on how to teach your child to learn to fall asleep. Some advocate always rocking, nursing, bouncing, or holding your baby until they're asleep and then putting them down. Others recommend putting them in their crib for nap/bedtime awake and letting them cry until they fall asleep on their own. We decided early on that because myself, as a new mommy, couldn't bear to hear his pitiful little cries without attending to him, that we would not let him "Cry it out" until he was about 4 months, as recommended in a book,
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, by Dr. Weissbluth.
Instead, we worked on putting him down in his crib awake, but calm and drowsy; establishing a good consistent pre-nap/bedtime routine that helped him know it was time to sleep, and letting him use a pacifier to suck on. Isaiah is usually quite good at going to sleep for his naps and bedtime. But the waking up at the 45 minute mark remains our challenge.... Mommies out there - any tips or advice on this one? :)
At 4 months old we started letting him cry at the beginning of naps/bedtime. Our rule is that we will reinsert his pacifier one time in the first 5-10 minutes of the nap/bedtime, but that's it. If he still isn't asleep and starts crying, he has to figure it out for himself. We started at bedtime one night in May. We knew it was going to be sooooooooo hard to listen to him cry, but both agreed it was for his good. We readied ourselves for a gruelling evening of 2-3 hours listening to our precious one cry. Sure enough, he started right up. 33 minutes later - silence! Wahoo! 2nd night: 35 minutes. 3rd night: 10 minutes of mild fussing. What a relief that it wasn't nearly so bad as we expected. We are still working through what to do when he wakes up at the 45 minute mark, but we have learned that 1) there is not one 'right' way for a baby to fall asleep, 2) it's important to do what we feel comfortable with, and 3) remember to relax and just enjoy our baby!
Maybe this decision doesn't carry some of the weight as the others I've mentioned, but it involves choices that we have to make everyday to help him gets the sleep he really does need.
#7: Perfume. On a lighter note, I thought I'd throw in this one just because it really was a conscious decision I made. I'd read somewhere before Isaiah was born that a baby knows his mommy by her smell, and so I wanted him to know who I was in those beginning days. After about 3 months, I realized that, 'Oh! It's probably okay if I start wearing perfume now, I think he knows I'm his mommy." I got so used to not wearing any that I still usually forget about it. Don't worry, I never gave up deodorant! :)
As I said at the beginning, there are many other decisions to be made every day concerning our baby, but these are some of the ones that took me by surprise. Lots of hard choices, but in return, we are blessed with this sweet face to look at every day:
What a gift he is to us! We love him so much.
