A Lonely Road

There are many emotions that fill the days of my mommy-hood journey, and one of the these that sneak into the moments of my day is loneliness.

Being a mom often feels like a lonely road.  

I don't tell you that to get sympathy, or pity.  I don't need or want either.  It's just how it feels. I often get asked, "What are you doing today?"  in a casual, nice way. No matter what may come in a day, most of them are pretty much the same - my job is to take care of Isaiah.  Feed, change, play, soothe. Feed, change, play, soothe. Feed, change, play, soothe.  A pattern that repeats itself over, and over, and over.

My job is a privilege.  I know that, and I love it! He's a beautiful gift from the Lord, for which I am beyond thankful.  There is nothing I'd rather do more than to be his mommy.

I look at that sweet smile and wonder, how could I ever be lonely?  He is such a delight.  But there are those moments, as he sleeps, or as I look out my window at the hustle and bustle of those around me, and the feeling is there.

I had always imagined that when I was a mom, and ideally a stay-at-home mom, of life being full with mommy group play days, summer time fun at the park with friends and their little ones, coffee dates, and shopping trips in the mall with strollers and babies. 

Maybe it's my fault at not being intentional enough to find places to plug in with other moms here. Maybe I just need to figure out how to keep a busier pace with a baby.  Or maybe someday it'll happen when we don't live in the middle of the country, or when I can either speak French good enough to hang out with all the French-only moms, or when we live somewhere where people primarily speak English.  Maybe it will happen.


And maybe it's also just an adjustment phase for me.  Before Isaiah, I was working around 50-60 hours a week as the head cook for the Bible School/Conference center where we live and work at.  The kitchen is always a busy place, and I really loved being in the middle of everything that was happening. I loved the adrenaline before each meal of the last minute cooking, plating, and preparing. Now I still work part-time involved with the kitchen, but most of it I do from the quiet of my home, in and around Isaiah's schedule. I missed cooking and being in the kitchen terribly the first few weeks after Isaiah was born, and that desire has lessened as my love of being a mom has grown. :)  But I do still miss it--being part of the action, feeling like I'm more part of the team. 


Ecclesiastes 3:1 says,  "There is a time for everything,  and a season for every activity under the heavens." I guess there is always hard parts of all the seasons in life, and maybe moments of loneliness is part of this one.  


But it's okay.  I see this beautiful face....

....and the moment passes. What a beautiful life I get to witness.