Birth

Judah Isaac Dusing, our third beautiful boy child, arrived last Friday: February 26, 2016, at 2:31pm. He weighed in at 7lbs 15oz, and was 20 and 3/4 inches long.  Perfection.

And I think it's time to write.

Birth is a beautiful, complex, messy, emotional, and exhilarating event.  The result of birth (aka: a BABY) means that motherhood is also beautiful, complex, messy, emotional, and exhilarating. Throw in the pain that comes with recovering from a baby coming out of your body (there are only 2 options of how it will come out, and both will bring some serious levels of discomfort!), exhaustion from little or no sleep with a newborn, and the ongoing onslaught of hormones pumping through a mother's body, and...wow--there are some serious things to process.

At least in this mommy's brain.

Judah's birth, and recovery of myself thus far, has been--by far--the 'easiest' of our three children. There's still all that messy stuff going on in me, as mentioned above, but it's been mostly overridden with an enormous sense of gratitude, calmness of heart and mind, and joy in this new sweet child of ours.

For a few weeks leading up to the due date, I really struggled with anxiety over the impending labor and delivery.  Ezra's labor was so fast (4 hours), and the hospital is an hour and 15 minutes away, without traffic or bad weather, that timing seemed pretty important this go-round to get there in time. With both babies the contractions in the car have been awful, almost unbearable with Ezra's, and I really didn't want to go through that again.  Because I was trying to have a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean), my doctor also wanted several things for me during labor that I didn't want, and so I was feeling like I would have to really defend myself and my right to deliver as I wanted.  Throw in many other factors that were all unknowns, and I was feeling like a mess.

Tuesday night, the 23rd, I had a couple contractions about 10pm that I thought was the start of it all. I think they were actually just Braxton Hicks, but I've never had those with any of my pregnancies, so it was new to me.  Anyway, after the 2nd, and then 3rd, my adrenaline was pumping, I was shaking, and felt terribly anxious.  We went to bed, and I laid there for a couple of hours, panicking (even though nothing was happening anymore).  In case anyone is wondering....this is not the ideal mental state in which to start labor.  I finally slept, and woke up feeling so relieved, yet desperate to calm down.

Thankfully, Jesus stepped in. 

The thing I love most about Judah's birth (of which I will write about later), is how much I saw God working through the entire experience.  Calming my fears, giving me strength, reminding me to trust Him, orchestrating timing and events and hospital staff.  A beautiful thing of belonging to Jesus is that he meets us where we are at, and he knows just what we need.  I have been reading through Psalms the last couple of months, and through several verses in the weeks leading up to the birth (and especially the couple of days after my false alarm),  I was reminded of Who I belong to, Who is in control, Who will be my help and protector...and that when I am afraid, I have a God to turn to that reminds me that I do not need to be afraid.

Surely God is my help;
    the Lord is the one who sustains me.

Psalm 54:4

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.
     In God, whose word I praise—
in God I trust and am not afraid.

Psalm 56:3-4a

My heart, O God, is steadfast,
    my heart is steadfast.

Psalm 57:7a

I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?

 

My help comes from the Lord,

    the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip-- 

  he who watches over you will not slumber;

 

indeed, he who watches over Israel

    will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord watches over you—

    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;

the sun will not harm you by day,

    nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all harm—

    he will watch over your life;

 

the Lord will watch over your coming and going

    both now and forevermore.

Psalm 121

For God has not given us a spirit of fear,
but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

2 Timothy 1:7

When the REAL labor started on Friday morning, I was ready.  Mentally, physically, and spiritually.  My heart was steadfast in the Lord, my mind was focused and calm, and I was claiming His promises.  

I was not afraid.

And so, in the midst of the messiness of birth, the messiness of mothering a new infant, and the messiness of recovery, my heart remains full of gratitude and joy for the way at which I saw God at work--in me and in Judah's birth.