Waiting

Please notice the date.

October 2nd, 2013.

And no baby.

Whew.

It wasn't until a couple days ago that the thought even occurred to me that having a baby in October was a possibility, and now, it will be a reality!

In all honesty, it hasn't been an easy week of waiting.  With how I was feeling in early/mid-September, I was pretty sure he was going to be early, so we've been expecting me to go into labor for quite some time.

Then, last week my parents came from the States to be here to take of Isaiah during the birth, and to be around to help in the first days.  This morning, Andrew took them to the airport for their scheduled departure.  We had a great visit--lots of fun playing cards, taking walks in some beautiful fall weather and eating good food--and it was great for Isaiah to get to know them.  But still, no baby.  Each day the waiting seemed more difficult, mostly for the pressure I felt upon my self (not given by them, but by me), for this baby to come while they were here.  After all, that was the reason they came!

Last Thursday, my due date, I was up early around 5:15 am, not sleeping well and feeling anxious to have this baby. I spent some time in Psalms 130-131 that morning, which have been the perfect reminders for me this week.

Psalm 130: 1-2, 5-7.
 "Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord; O Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy.  I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.  My soul waits for the Lord, more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning.  O Israel, put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love and with him is full redemption."

Psalm 131
"My heart is not proud, O Lord, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Israel, put your hope in the Lord both now and forevermore."

First, I was convicted - how many nights of poor sleep this pregnancy have I waited for the morning to come, with so much more desperation and passion than I have been waiting for--and upon--the Lord each day?  Too many.  How much have I concerned myself with own plans (and timeline) for this baby, rather than quieting my soul before the Lord and resting upon His plan?  Far too much.

The words brought comfort, rest, and peace to my anxious soul.  The Lord has used those words over and over this week to remind me of His promises, and to keep my impatience in check.

Monday I had an appointment with my doctor--an appointment I had really not thought I would need (because the baby would already be here....), and I was terribly anxious for it.  Since she had asked about it the week before, and I had said no, I thought she would put some pressure on me to let her sweep my membranes this time, which is supposed to speed up labor starting.  The week before she had practically already scheduled my induction date, which was also making me anxious because she was so quick to intervene instead of just letting this baby come when he is ready (and with both of us still being fine and healthy).   Anyway, I had been back and forth on what to do about the membrane sweep for a couple days, and was literally at the point of tears in car.  I was going to go ahead with it, then not, then yes, then no.   For some, I know it's not a big deal, and others I know aren't fans of it being done.  My level of anxiety seemed to far outweigh the actual situation.

So twenty minutes into the drive, my heart cried out in desperation, 'Lord, what should I do?'  The answer came very clearly from the words of Psalm 130:  Wait for the Lord. Wait. 

"Wait" continued to echo in my head.  All the reasons I maybe should do it swirled around, but all I could keep hearing was 'wait'.   Andrew affirmed me to just not do it, and that together we would be prepared to stand against my doctor if need be.

The Lord is good.  My doctor didn't even try to ask me again, just an 'Ok, well I won't sweep them today since you don't want that" matter of factly, plus some great steps on her part to work with us towards an agreeable induction date, plus an induction method that I actually feel pretty good about.  We were blown away at how much she seems to get and be ok with our desired type of birth, and totally saw the Lord's hand over it all.

If baby isn't here, I will have a non-stress test on Friday, with a tentative induction date for Monday, the 7th. We would appreciate your prayers for health and safety for the baby, that the Lord would bring him forth at the perfect time, and that we would continue to wait upon the Lord, putting our hope only in Him.

The last pregnancy picture I took was at 40 wks + 1day.  Today I am 40 wks + 6days, and you know what?  I seriously doubt I will take another picture.  Some things just don't matter any more.  Come, little one, come! We are so excited to meet you. :)