Growing up

Written January 18th...

I was a bit shocked to see that it's been 2 1/2 months since I last posted.  What in the world was going on?  Oh yes, I remember....

Sickness!  I came down with a terrible and violent round of a gastro bug the first week of November that really knocked the wind out of me for several days. (Ezra got a mild case of it the same night I had it -- poor Andrew was doing double duty!)  After that was a miserable week-long cold that I dragged around with, and after that I was so fortunate as to receive round TWO of the gastro bug. Unbelievable.  I also got a week-long cold during our Christmas vacation in the States, and now, here I sit, fighting off (and losing) yet another cold.  I have been sick more in this time period than I have been in the past 3 years!

Still, life has continued to roll right along.  Ezra started walking during November, and is now a professional walking machine.  Isaiah turned three years old at the end of December, and seems so grown up.  I can hardly believe we have a three year old!  We had a fun party with his cousins who came for Christmas, which was a blast.

We had a wonderful trip, but were also glad to come back to our normal routine and home.  Last week the boys were both very sick with high fevers, cough, and being generally miserable, but we are thanking the Lord for their recovery--there were some scary moments, especially with Ezra.  I was reminded of how precious and frail life really is, and of the importance of holding my children before the Lord with an open hand.  They have almost recovered completely, but it was a good reminder for me.

It is also full-blown winter here--we are seeing -30 degree C on a regular basis, which means the kids and I are spending alot of time playing indoors. Last fall after Ezra was born, I remember how much I dreaded the winter (in a panicky kind of way).  This year, it's been ok. It's good to look back and realize that yes, there are alot of hormones at play after birth and with a new baby....and that no, that phase doesn't last forever!

Pictures do a great job of recapping our lovely and full life with these kiddos....so here's a glimpse at our last couple of months.

November:

a boy and his bike....

This face is too cute for words!

Getting in some reading time

Refusing to smile.... :)

Ezra had his first hair cut!  Can you see the height on that mohawk?!

Hmm Mommmy...this feels weird.

Another big first - Isaiah moved to a toddler bed!  He has done great with it!
(Made by Andrew)

Christmas tree decorating! Cut down in the woods by Isaiah!

December:

Enjoying some punch at his 1st evening Christmas party!

Sled fun

Ezra loving the snow

Our big boy out for a snowshoe adventure

Such a trooper

Having some fun in an airport during a layover.

Ezra riding the train with Grandpa!

Riding the Christmas train with his aunt and cousins!

So stoic.

Cousins having some reading time with Papa

So excited for lunch out together by ourselves!

Cousins - celebrating being 3 years old!

Isaiah loves being sung "Happy Birthday" !

Dusing Family, Christmas Eve, 2014

We had such a wonderful time on our trip over the holidays. It's always special to celebrate Christmas and Isaiah's birthday with our families!

I think this post will end with December. The year 2014 was filled with many challenges and also many great moments of joy.  We are blessed!

Mommy's Happy dance

October 30, 2014
I think it's about time that I mention a wonderful almost-daily part of our routine.

It's a beautiful phrase known as: Independent Playtime (or Roomtime, in Isaiah's case).  What is this phenomenon?  It is a time set aside for each child to play in a safe, confined area, where they can learn to play happily by themselves, problem solve, and take a break from the wild hustle and bustle that everyday life can often be.

It is also a time for Mommy to have a break!  Yes, yes, I must admit I do a little happy dance inside each day when it's time for IP.

Ezra has been exceptionally clingy the last 24 hours.  The kind of clingy that makes me want to pull my hair out.  Between his neediness, and Isaiah being unwilling to let Ezra play with ANY toys in a 8 foot circumference around himself, I needed IP today probably more than the boys did.  So off they went:  Isaiah to his room, Ezra to his pack n' play.  The timers were set, the toys distributed, and I made my way to the couch to do my Bible Study homework. The house was quiet.  There was no fighting, no whiny clingy baby on my leg, no questions being asked of me.  Only the happy quiet sounds of content boys:  Ezra, playing his little xylophone piano; Isaiah, listening to a book his Papa and Nana recorded for him.  

BLISS. A truly delightful experience.

I actually do find it very beneficial for the boys as well.  Since we are together almost the entire day, it gives each person some space.  It lets the boys play on their own and enjoy their toys without wanting what the other one has, or getting a newly created tower of blocks destroyed before the desired time. For Isaiah, I usually notice a significant improvement in attitude and contentment after his Roomtime.

If you are intrigued by this idea of Independent Playtime, as I was when I first heard about it, here are a few how-to tips if you want to implement this into your own routine.

 - Start small.  Isaiah has done IP since he was about 6 months old.  He started in his crib, twice a day, for about 5 minutes each.  We gradually built up from there, until he was happily doing 45 minutes a day in IP.
- Set them up for success.  Don't do IP when you know they are tired and/or hungry.  I generally did it after Isaiah's morning nap, and then later afternoon.  Now, with both boys, I do it after E is up from his AM nap and after they've had a snack, but before lunch.
- Remember that less is more.  If your child (around 18 months and under) is in a crib or PnP, a few toys are adequate.  Don't crowd them too much!  I offer 1 or 2 age-appropriate books, a muscial toy, some kind of problem-solving toy (like stacking cups/block, or rings, etc), and maybe a favorite toy. Be sure that nothing is dangerous for the child to use on his own!  Part of the idea of IP is to help them learn how to focus and be creative with what they have...too many toys can be overwhelming.  Oh, and I usually let them have a sippy cup of water with them too.
-Use a timer.  Starting IP is not always fun.  As in, there will be probably be crying.  I have been very lax in doing it with Ezra--he was about 11 months the first time he did it!  We started with 3 (yes, 3) minutes. He screamed bloody murder the whole time.  And the next day when we did 4 minutes.  But not the next day, when we did 5 minutes! Since then he has generally been content with it. They quickly build an associated with the timer...".when it beeps, Mom comes to get me! So I might as well play until it beeps...."
-If desired, play your child's favorite music!  Some kids will love this.

For an older child:  After a while, a crib can be a bit boring.  When Isaiah was 18/20 months, we switched to room-time.  I really wanted him to be comfortable in this before Ezra came along. Basically it's the same, except I just removed anything that was a safety hazard for him, and let him play in his room with a variety of toys.  It's also important to rotate toys every few days.  He is not allowed to come out of his room during room-time. I will often give him a little snack (like raisins, or dry cereal) now that he is older.  He does it for about 30 minutes at a time, though I know parents whose children happily do room-time for 1 hr each day!

This part of our routine was a tremendous help when I had Ezra.  In 30 minutes, I could nurse him in peace, put him down for a nap, give him a bath, etc, etc...all while Isaiah was safe and occupied.  As they are quite close in age, Isaiah was still pretty dependent on me when Ezra was born, so it really gave a needed break in the day.

It is not always easy.  There have been days where Isaiah has cried or whined most of his IP time. There were days when he threw all of his toys out of his crib in the first 2 minutes.  (And no, I didn't give them back!  It would be an unending cycle!)  But, he learned, we stuck with it, and I am actually super thankful that IP is a part of our day.  It's the opportunity for a break if I need it or really need to get something done.  It's the 'safe zone' of separation for us all.  And it's a place where they can learn to be content with what they have, focus for a time, and learn to wait patiently.

Win, win, win.  It is so worth it!

And now, just because, a few shots of the beautiful children that fill my days!

Making Cinnamon-Applesauce pancakes with Dad for Ezra's 1st birthday!

Ezra's first time coloring with a crayon

Fun at a park!

Isaiah and I hiking at Mt Tremblant in Quebec.

Enjoying a free Greek Yogurt sample at Mt Tremblant

Yum!

Hi-ya!

Our family as the Ninja Turtles for SuperHero night.

Oh yeah, our little boy turned 1 in the month of October.  He will get a whole post of his own, coming soon!

So Big

The past six weeks or so have been busy.  Day to day life has taken on a new and tiring, but sustainable, pattern. Ezra has never nursed again (in reference to my last post).  I also never did get my good grieving cry session in--I kept holding out hope--and eventually the passing of time has eased the stress and sorrow of the situation.

I don't know how some moms do it.  Pump, feed, pump, feed, pump, feed, pump some more. It's an endless cycle that I am soooo tired of, and I've only been doing it for 6 weeks! However, I am determined to not throw in the towel just yet--I am striving toward the goal of his one year birthday before I wean him off of breastmilk.  In the meantime, I am trying to enjoy a bit more of the freedom that comes from having a baby who doesn't need me around to eat before bedtime or whenever.  Funny thing is, I feel more like a slave to my pump than I ever did to my baby!  I have a love/hate relationship with that thing right now...

Moving on.  In the last couple of weeks, I have been struck by how BIG my boys are getting. So old, so mature, so....funny.  I hear myself coming out of Isaiah's lips more and more, when he says phrases like: "Mommy, you need be more careful!" (with a big frown) And, "Mommy, you need give me more space." (as he comes through with his stool in front of the bathroom vanity.) And,  "No, Eh-ra, not for you. You not touch it."

Blackberry picking

He is remarkably polite, and it seems like each week he needs less and less prompting--coming up with please, thank you, and clearing the table all on his own initiative.

Enjoy a sour apple from the local tree

He is orderly.  Things have a place, and should be in that place.  On our way out the door to go somewhere he has been known to quickly run around the room throwing toys back into the toy box. "Need clean up, Mom!"  Our emphasis early on in his life of cleaning up after we're done playing is seriously paying off, even much more than I would ask.  Sometimes he will come out from his nap, see the table if I was working on something, examine it with a frown, wave his hand over it, shake his head and say "Messy. Need clean up."...with a look of utter disgust.  Yes, yes, dear one, Mommy will clean up her mess!

Daddy's days off are great!

He is also very affectionate.  "I need big hug" (usually said while crying) is his go-to response when upset, or when he gets in trouble.  I frequently get big hugs with a kiss and "I miss-ed you Mom"...even when I'm sitting at the table next to him.  His 'lots-of-kisses' bedtime routine for me is to gently hold my face with both of his hands, and kiss (very loudly) both ears, both cheeks, my chin, forehead, and lips. I will hold those sweet kisses in my heart forever.

Fun at a park with a water feature!

He can count to 10, and knows the names of most of the letters in the alphabet.  I was obsessing over his learning when he was 18-24 months, but now that he is at a good mental age to actually really pick things up quickly, I am sorry to say that I have been quite lax in dedicated learning time as of late. It is a goal for the fall to start back up again--he is a sponge waiting for information!

He also has great hand-eye coordination and dexterity.  He has impressive frisbee-throwing capabilities (the form! the distance! the coordination!), is so adept with a fork and spoon that he's basically ready for a formal table setting, and generally often leaves us looking at each other with mouths open--"Did you see what he just did?!?"--in an awed kind of way.

We think he is terrific. Can you tell? :)

And Ezra.  He was our big newborn, long and very scrawny 4 month old, and now average...11 month old?!  There is no way that he is almost one.  No way!  It feels like he should be 6 or 7 months old. Time has gone so quickly with my sweet boy #2.

We love to play with frisbees!

First of all, it is amazing how different two children can be coming from the same parents and receiving the same parenting from them.  I'm sure I will be pondering that the rest of my life.

Ezra is giving us the opportunity to hone our parenting skills. :)  I do not want to compare my boys to each other their whole lives, but in so many ways he has been different than Isaiah that we keep needing to figure out a plan B--what worked with Isaiah in his first year of life has definitely not always gone over well with Ezra.

Playing "Peek-a-boo" with his book!

Ezra is a charmer.  I can not go anywhere these days without getting 3 or more people stopping to wave, smile, hold his hand, pinch his cheek, touch his hair, and go goo-goo-ga-ga over him.  He soaks it all in and keeps encouraging them.  If I had a dollar for all the times I've heard "what a beautiful baby" and "he's so cute" from strangers in the the store, I could probably go for a massage and full spa day.  Of course, I completely agree with them!

I mean, look at this face! How cute is he?!!

He is a chatterbox and noise maker.  To sum it up - Ezra is LOUD.  He loves small rooms with great acoustics because it highlights his excellent vocal abilities--seriously, he does.  He typically cries at high volume..the level isn't actually based on the event, so it's not very reliable for telling how upset he is.  A small thing like getting his diaper changed or getting out of the bathtub (*gasp*-- the torture!) can turn his happy chatter into full blood-curdling screams, which always makes me wonder what the people around us think we are doing to our child. Really people, he's fine.  Really.

He was definitely exercising his vocal cords at the time this pictures was taken!

With his noise though also comes large amounts of giggling and laughing. I remember him being 10 weeks old and laughing hysterically for minutes on the couch while Andrew did something-- I don't remember what it was, except that it wasn't that funny!  And that we were amazed at how long he kept going!   Baby laughter and giggles in an incredible mood booster.  Seriously, have you ever tried to stay grumpy while watching a baby laugh or giggle? Try it. It doesn't work.

He loves adventure. Swinging, being tossed and thrown around, rides, loud machines, tunnels, animals, dirt...these are all good and happy things in his world.  I can see 'throw-caution-to-the-wind' being part of his personality as he grows up.

11 months old!

Ezra loves music, and loves to dance.  Loves. Often when I put on music in the car, I'll look back and see him waving his arms, shaking his head, and bopping around to the music--there is so much joy on his face!  Just yesterday he had been crying off and on for 20 or 30 minutes, super cranky, which is unusual for him.  He generally snaps out of cranky times pretty quickly. I finally decided to put on some music because I just couldn't figure him out.  Sure enough, he stared at the ipod dock for a little bit, starting bouncing on his toes...and wait for it....there's the smile!  He turned into a content happy child within one song. Incredible.

Brother time at the piano.  

At 11 months old, he has 6 teeth, and is currently working on cutting his canines. He cruises around on furniture, and will happily walk around holding someone's hands.  It's been really fun to see how Ezra, as a second child, picks things up faster by watching his big brother.  Things like - how magnets work and where they go, where the doorknobs are and what they do,and how to drive Hot Wheel cars around making noises.

Watching his kitty play in the dirt - 11 months

We feel so incredibly blessed that God has entrusted us with these sweet boys.  Such a gift.  Such a responsibility. Such a JOY.

Isaiah said, "I want hold Eh-ra on my lap".  Little brother is getting big!

What an incredible blessing these two are to us!

The Strike

Where to begin.

There are some days in life that seem to define periods of time--the before, and the after.  While as time passes, this will probably not be that momentous in the grand scheme of life, but for now, Thursday July 24th, is that defining day.

The day of when before Ezra was nursing, and the after of when he wasn't.

I didn't think I was so attached to our nursing relationship...turns out I was wrong.

I feel like I am grieving the loss of something beautiful and precious. It has not been an easy road with him and his digestive problems earlier on, and the perseverance and love put into nursing him has made it very valuable to me.

Right now I don't know how to be Ezra's mommy without nursing him.  It's scary. It's intimidating.  Bottles and pumping and formula are all so rarely (if ever) used in our house that I feel like I have to learn how to feed and take care of my baby all over again.  And he has to learn how to feed again too and it's been hard on him and on his parents--he's never fed without me (besides solid food, of course, but that is still not nearly as important as milk right now).

So what happened; ah, that fateful day.  It was a  normal day to start.  He was in the midst of teething (hello 2 front teeth!), and having some trouble going to sleep for naps/night because he's standing but hasn't figured how to sit back down.  After a while, he finally fell asleep for his morning nap, slept well, and then when I got him up to feed him he turned away.  Weird, I thought, he should be hungry.  I keep trying every 30 minutes or so - but no interest, and much protesting.  That just continued on, all day. I got him to drink a little out of a cup, but he didn't like that very much.  I was so sure he would nurse before bed....but no go.  A few more sips from a cup, and when he got super upset with that, it was like..ok then...well.... I guess we just put him to bed?  We are talking 12 hours with maybe 1 oz of milk.  Maybe.

I was exhausted from trying to get him to nurse all day. Stressed. Worried for him. Frustrated.  Shocked. Stressed.

He slept pretty good--he woke up at 1am (very unusual for him, but hey, I couldn't blame him).  Screamed as soon I even hinted at nursing him.  Ok then. Took a few sips of milk from a cup...didn't want more.  Put him back to bed. By the time he woke up it had been 24 hours since he was last nursed.  Almost nothing to drink during that time,and I was starting to get very concerned about dehydration for the poor kid.

At 6:30 am the next morning, I decided we might as well try a bottle--though he's refused one since he was 4 months old.  Miraculously (Thank you, Jesus!), he took it right away and guzzled down a full bottle of pumped milk like he'd been doing it all his life.  That was such a relief for us for his health's sake!  The next few bottles didn't go quite as smoothly, but basically he starting drinking a couple or more ounces at each feeding.  The third day got better, and today he's done quite well, drinking more and more from the bottle at each feeding.

Still not nursing--not even the tiniest bit of interest; more like, screaming, throwing himself backwards, etc. Have I mentioned this has been stressful?  My entire body feels like it's been in a pressure cooker of stress the past 4 days, the tears are constantly close at hand, and at times I am feeling a huge sense of loss and grief.  It's been some of the hardest days of motherhood I've ever had.

Ok, it's been 'just' four days--there is a huge possibility he will start up again.  From what I've read, it is quite rare for a child to actually wean himself before a year, though nursing 'strikes' are quite common (and I think moms take it as the baby wants to wean and so do wean).  Andrew thinks Ezra will nurse again. I really doubt it.  He is a stubborn and determined little son, hasn't ever been one for comfort nursing--give me my milk and let's be done, Mommy!--and I'll not be surprised if Ezra will be one who likes to go against the flow in general.

Oh my sweet boy.  I miss our snuggles and sleepy moments together.  I miss knowing that no matter how upset you are, I will be the one who can calm you down.  I miss knowing that you need me, when you wake up, when you go to sleep, and the times in between.

And so we press on.  The learning never ends.  I will learn how to be the best mommy I can be to him without nursing him, to feed him however he needs, and to know that no matter what, my Lord Jesus is watching out for Ezra, for me, for our family, and that He loves us and knows what's best for us.  My prayer has been that whatever method of feeding is best for Ezra in the days to come will be what happens--be it through breastfeeding or formula and bottles.

But oh, my heart is still so sad for what may never be again.

I love you, sweet Ezra. You are such a joy in our life!

9 month old smiles

Beautiful Days

I have a unwritten goal of posting something each month. (And now it's written, I guess.) I'm a little shocked that May is already over, and I obviously didn't meet that goal last month...

June is also flying by with alarming speed.  Life and work are very full right now, each week more so than the last it seems, so I have not had much energy to write.

However, I have been struck frequently these last several weeks by how incredibly blessed I am by my children. Though our days together often feel long (we all celebrate when Daddy gets home from work each night!), the days are filled with beautiful moments that I treasure.

Moments such as:

When the house is a disaster, baby brother is in bed, and Daddy isn't home yet...what to do?
Put on some super cleaning capes, of course!

 *Isaiah gently kissing Ezra's head, wrapping his arms around him for a quick hug.

Brotherly love, zoned in on the last scenes of Thomas the Train.
(And no, my 8 month old baby does not normally watch TV!)

 *The slapping of little hands on the hardwood floor as Ezra crawls enthusiastically toward a desired object.  The things he's not supposed to touch bring him the most fun to pursue. :)

Mommy and Ezra - we love our ErgoBaby!
This kid spends alot of time in this thing as we chase around his big brother.

Finger food lovin'.

 *Ezra erupting in fits of uncontrollable giggling

*The thrill of discovery as Ezra figures out that a toy makes great noises

Rockin' Daddy's cap

 *The love of balls, sticks,and rocks--my firstborn baby has transformed into an active boy.

His first ride on his new push bike!  So much joy!

Daddy and Isaiah riding bikes together.

This kid looooves Raisin Bran!

Morning snuggle/soft lovey sharing ritual in Isaiah's bed.

Ezra riding Isaiah's truck. 

 *Isaiah's imagination.  Right now his favorite thing is to hear stories about "Pork Chop", the pink pig. (His daddy's creation....)

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*Little boys snuggling me on the couch while we read books.
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*Ezra's squeal of excitement to see Isaiah after E gets up from a nap.

*Isaiah's little voice leaving me messages on my phone while I'm working. "Moooom. Home. 'Ra, up. Eat."  (Mom, come home, Ezra's up, he's ready to eat!)


Sometimes the day drags on forreeeever.  Sometimes the house is filling with whiny kids and a grumpy mom.  Sometimes everything is chaotic with a kid whining for food, a baby screeching for food, and barely enough time to drink my coffee cold...again.

But it's okay.  The beautiful moments far outweigh the messy ones, and they transform each day into a beautiful one that the Lord has made.

Let us rejoice and be glad in it!