Savor the Moments; Part 2

Ezra, 6 months; Isaiah, 27 months

The past six months have been filled with mountains of joy and valleys of tears.  Some ladies and I recently went through Beth Moore's study Stepping Up, A journey through the Psalms of Ascent; I've referenced this study before in my post on Ezra's birth.  I'm reminded now of one of the Psalms we covered, when a day was spent talking about Psalm 126: 5-6. "Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping carrying seed to sow will return with songs of joy carrying sheaves with them."

One thing said in that day was - "I need to know I'll never endure a season of tears that can't turn into a harvest of joy."  That, along with these verses, really resonated with me in a time when my day was filled with lots of tears, whether it be my own, Ezra's, or Isaiah's.  The Lord's promises to return a harvest of joy from my tears was so very encouraging.  And now, I am blessed to be experiencing it.

I have sown in tears time and time again during the past 1/2 year, coming out of the weeks of lack of sleep, concern for Ezra's health, boredom of being cooped up indoors (hello, Quebec winter!), being constantly hungry because I can't figure out what to eat on my (Ezra's) food restrictions, and figuring out how to take care of two kids.

The budding season of spring has brought the time to begin reaping songs of joy.  Ezra's intestine is on the mend, we are enjoying eating meals all together as Ezra starts solids, watching the boys begin to play together, and enjoying Isaiah's recent and enormous developments in speech, concepts, and imagination.  We are having many more times of joy and fun, and less of chaos and meltdowns.  It's the little moments throughout the days that leave Andrew and I looking at each other with amazement at how much we love our children, and our little family.

I am so very thankful for my boys.

morning pajama snuggles!

Here are just a very few of Ezra's 'moments' - little man, you melt Mommy's heart! The enormity of love I feel for you astounds me. In no particular order...a few of the beautiful smiles we get to witness every day.

4 months

This kid loves the adrenaline rush already!

Best Gift Ever! 11 weeks old

8 weeks old

Avocado - yum!

This kid is too skinny for the bumbo....

oh yeah, tummy time is fun!

deep thinker

We love to hang out together!

Death grip on Daddy's hair - 1st time on Daddy's shoulders!

5 3/4 months

6 months!

Can't wait for the next 6 months of this little man's life - what a treasure he is to us!

The Hope of Spring

Written Februrary 26, 2013

Back in November, I was dreading the long winter stuck in a tiny house with two kids.  I am very thankful to say....it is almost March!  This week it is cold, but rumor has it this is probably the last really cold spell of the winter.  Next week should be close to 0 C, and it will be just get better from then on out.  I realized the other night that my perspective of what is cold may have gotten skewed the last few years of living in Canada...  I was running around the Center we live at doing some errands, in a t-shirt and zip up sweatshirt because it was 'so warm'--except then I saw a thermometer and it was about -15 C, ( 0 F).  Ok, not so warm after all...

All that to say, the winter has gone much faster than I anticipated.  I can scarcely believe that Ezra is almost 5 months old! I really feel like he is not that old, and I know I treat him as such.  In a couple weeks we will be starting solids, which seems crazy to me.  He is also called the drool king around here, and like to chew on both hands...at the same time, if he can manage it.  I see two little nubs of teeth so close to poking through his bottom gums! Isaiah got his first tooth at 5 1/2 month, and I think Ezra will be on that same track.

We also took Ezra to a microbiologist for a blood analysis to see if she could give some insight into his eczema and digestive issues.  It was pretty fascinating all that she can see from a couple little drops of blood. Ezra totally wooed her, grinning and giggling at her the entire time we were there, even when she poked his finger and took the blood sample.  I was cringing, but he certainly didn't seem to even notice! Anyway, she was very helpful, and I feel like we are on a good track for Ezra now.

Part of  what she found was his sensitivities to dairy/lactose products, chocolate, and peanut products. As a nursing mommy, that means 'bye-bye' all things delicious.  I am still not eating gluten for Ezra as well (ok, I sneak bites here and there, but it is pretty minimal), so saying good-bye to my beloved dairy was pretty sad. And let me tell you, the cravings for something cheesy and creamy have been even stronger than when I was pregnant!  I have told Andrew that when this is all over, whenever that may be, I am making myself a HUGE grilled, gourmet cheese sandwich.  And it is going to be AWESOME.  :)

As for Isaiah, our big thing this month has been screaming.  At night. In his crib.  In a very angry, tantrum kind of way.  We went through a couple tortuous night where he was up for 3-4 hours, crying/screaming, unless we were right next to his crib, in which case he was perfectly calm and happy.  This has led to the introduction of Isaiah's "No Screaming Chart".  We have been giving him some 'sleep rules', one of which is, "We do not scream in our crib."  Every morning that he gets up and hasn't screamed in the night, he gets a sticker.  It has helped sooo much!  He seems to totally know what he is doing too, so if he ask him in the morning, "did you scream?"  he will correctly say yes or no.  He has 8 days worth of stickers out of about 11 nights, and the days he did "scream" it wasn't much, more like loud crying.

Fast forward to today...
This chart has revolutionized sleep as we know it. :)  There is no more screaming in our house!  He has stopped waking up in the night almost completely, and when he does it it usually to giggle or talk to himself for a few minutes.  I have no idea what was going on for those long weeks, but we are so glad it is over!

Ezra is also finally improving in his night sleep again. Much fewer wakings all around, which leads to happier more rested parents and children. Wahoo!  I did have to laugh though, because from what I remember, Isaiah was sleeping 8-10 hours a night, every night, by the time he was 3-4 months.  Well, I found my logs from months 3-5..... boy, was I wrong!  As I read through page after page of these detailed logs I was keeping out desperation, I still don't remember it myself, but it is recorded there on those pages, that Isaiah was up just as much, if not more, than Ezra has been these last several weeks.  I guess there are some things the mind knows it is better to not remember....

Anyway, we are greatly looking forward to going outside without needed to be bundled up from head to toe all the time, and Ezra is going to be a great age this summer to be outside with us.  I am so thankful for God's sustaining power that I have seen and felt through this winter, and for the fun that Isaiah, Ezra, and I have had in our teeny little house day after day.

And here's just a little bit of sunshine and smiles until next time.

Ezra looking pensive

St. Patrick's day fun!

Savor the Moments

Today I finally cleaned off our picture card, full of a year and a half of pictures.  I've been going through them, folder by folder, amazed at how my boys are growing up so quickly.

I have found there are lots of hard moments being a mommy.

But there are also so, so, so many more beautiful moments of joy, discovery, laughter, and love.

Here are some of those moments with Isaiah in the past few months:

Because Bubbles are fun!

The day our 16 month consumed a monstrous burrito in its entirety.

Feeding Kira

"I got Daddy's hat!"

Signing 'help' to get out of the box

Concentration

Belly laughs at Mommy's silliness

Love the pool time!

Building

A snowy day's water play

What, you don't sit on a can of beans every morning?

Just a boy and his stick

Double Delights

I realized something special this past week.

I am finally enjoying both of my boys together.  I have been enjoying them separately the whole time, but the times where Ezra is up with Isaiah has always been stressful for me.

brotherly love :)

Last week I laid Ezra and Isaiah on our bed, side by side, and told them a story while I folded a large pile of laundry.  They both laid there happily, giggling at me and each other through the course of storytime/folding. At the end of it, I realized that it has actually been fun for me too.  I looked at them laying there, smiling back at me, and got a glimpse of the incredible fun having these two boys is going to be as they grow up.

Those moments keep the tough moments in perspective.

It's been a long week.  I hoping that sometime soon I will be able to sleep more than 2 hours at a time.  Ezra has been up at all hours of the night for reasons we can't figure out, waking uncharacteristically early in the night, and often.  Last night it was 5 times between 11:40 and 7:30 am, and this from a baby who was doing up to 10 hours in a row at 8 weeks!  I have definitely gotten spoiled...

The big news for Isaiah this week is that he pooped in the potty 3 days in a row! We are so proud. I know, I know, there are some things in life that you have to be a parent to really appreciate. :) We are officially starting potty training this weekend, but he wanted to try early, and has had great success.  The fewer poopy diapers to change the better! 

He has also quadruped his vocabulary of spoken words in the past 3 weeks.  He will say almost any word back to me that I ask him to.  One we are particularly enjoying is "Yesh".  He has said 'yeah' for a long time, but is finally putting the 's' on.  Occasionally 'no-sh' comes out too, instead of 'no', which is also very cute. 

Andrew bought him his own little red shovel a couple days ago so that he has one he can really use when he goes out to help Andrew and his maintenance team shovel snow.  Basically all I hear all day, everyday, from Isaiah is "Help", "Shah (shovel)", "Dada".   With lots of head nods and expectant looks in between each word.  Like- Yes, Mommy, you should let me go help Daddy shovel. It is a very good idea.  VERY cute!  

The past couple of days it has been in the -20s (this morning was -29, feels like -37 C)  so he has had a lot of disappointing moments lately!  Poor little guy.

That's all for now, with a few pictures of these beautiful sons I have.  I am one blessed mommy!

we love his smiles!

16 weeks old

Just hanging out - best work buddy ever!

Isaiah walking for the first time in his snowshoes.  

Raawwr, goes my little bear baby.

Two of my three handsome guys :)

He's Two!

December 29th, 2013, marked an important event in our family:

Isaiah turned TWO!

It meant that we had been parents for two whole years.  Two years of sometimes just barely surviving and sometimes fully thriving, but yet always full of laughter, amazement, delight, love, frustration, uncertainty, joy, exhaustion, and pure wonderment that God entrusted us to raise this precious, beautiful boy, Isaiah.

At two years old....

Isaiah is into hot wheel cars, trains, reading books, being outside, running, helping his daddy work, tools, Pooh and Tigger, and more than anything else - animals!  He loves especially loves the domestic and farm animals.

He still loves to eat.  He's super big into dipping...almost anything is edible to him (even if he doesn't like it) if there is something to dip it in! He is very fond of mustard and hummus, loves his vegetables and fruits, dairy products, and Mexican food of almost any variety.

He sleeps almost 12 hours every night, with a 1 1/2- 2 hr nap in the afternoon.  He is usually very good at going right to sleep, although the past two days he discovered that a light switch to his room is above his bed, that he can reach it, and that he would rather turn the light on and off multiple times than go to sleep....I took out the bulb this afternoon.

He loves to laugh and giggle.  He is also starting to very much like getting his own way, so we are having a fair amount of melt-downs and tantrums each day.  They are not a fun part of the day, but it comes with the territory of having a two year old, I suppose.

He is extremely observant to his surroundings, and I am continually amazed at the way he connect different situations together, or the itty bitty things he notices and remembers.

Happy Birthday, buddy.  We love you!

We got to spend the day with my sister and her children.  Her little boy, Brody, is only 11 days younger than Isaiah, so it was fun to celebrate their birthdays together!

Happy to be two!

Isaiah LOVED us singing 'Happy Birthday' to him!

eating cake!

opening presents

Cousin hugs...or headlocks.  :)

This Crazy Love

Brothers doing tummy time

It's hard to believe it's been a month and half since my last post.  The weeks are steam-rolling by in this whirlwind of babies, work, and more babies.  A lot has happened in that time, and since my life seems to be currently measured by how old Ezra is in weeks.....

Ezra's life, Week 5:
 - Andrew's parents came to visit and see the new grandbaby!  We had a great 10 days with them here, and Isaiah definitely loved getting some extra loving and attention!
 - Ezra started taking 45 minutes naps.  Gone are the days of me having to wake him up for every feeding.  Isaiah started this around 6-7 weeks old ( and didn't stop until 6 months old), so I must say, I was disappointed to have it begin earlier.  It did then, and still does, stress me out, but it is what it is.
 - This week I also started a grain-free diet in an effort to help Ezra's digestive system.  I take the boys to a chiropractor (usually every other week, but every week for the first couple months after they are born), and when we went that week she noticed alot of things regarding his digestion that were giving him trouble...I think it was the beginning of silent reflux.  Anyway, after one week of me not eating grains (GOOD-BYE wheat, oatmeal, rice, and pretty much all other kinds of deliciousness...), she noticed a huge improvement in him.          
      So, I am now finishing up week #4 of this, although I have added back in small amounts of oats and rice, and very small bits of wheat products here and there.  Still, it's been a MONTH since I had a piece of bread....a grilled cheese or PB&J sandwich pretty much always sound amazing these days.  However, if it's helping Ezra, I am game.  When he's around 3 months old I will start to add it back in more and see if he does ok with it...the older he gets, the more his digestive systems matures, so there is still hope for me (us).
    Not surprisingly, it is also helping me tick off those baby weight pounds....I mean, when a girl has to bypass the cake, cookies, cinnamon rolls, pastas, and delicious breads surrounding this holiday season, how can you not lose weight?!  Anyway, for that I am most appreciative.

Hmm, yep, that was all week 5!

Week 6-8 were all about smiles and tears!  Ezra is full of smiles almost anytime someone smiles at him.  Of course, he is particularly fond of me. :)  I have loved seeing his big toothless grins come out more and more readily, and during this time he also started to coo and giggle frequently.  I don't think there are any sounds more beautiful to my ears then the first giggles of my children.

The tears, oh, the tears.  Weeks 6-8 were challenging in that Ezra started having alot of trouble feeding 1-3x a day.  It would take be between 20-50 minutes to get him to even start nursing, though he was clearly hungry, and usually during that time he was crying hysterically.  This is hard enough to deal with on its own, but it was very challenging trying to take care of Isaiah at the same time - an active toddler wanting attention, and a screaming infant needing attention.  It definitely reduced me to tears of my own a few times.

Week 8-9 (last week) seemed to be a breakthrough.  Ezra's fussy times were worst when he was overtired from short naps and once he got worked up it was hard to get him actually calm, plus I think there was some trapped gas that would contribute to all that.  Anyway, I have been working harder to help extend his naps, and nursing him still swaddled, straight from sleep.  It seems to be working, as it has been pretty much a whole week without any trouble nursing.

Perhaps another contributing factor is his sleeping/eating schedule. I had been doing a late night feeding with the hopes that his longest stretch of sleep at night would be from that feeding onward, but it didn't seem to be helping him.  I stopped that last week, and since then he has been sleeping from his bedtime (7/7:30pm) between 8-10 hrs, with a feed and then back to bed until 7:45/8am.  It has been wonderful....we get more sleep, he gets more sleep, and he seems to be much happier eating less often at night.

I am enjoying discovering Ezra's personality, likes, and dislikes.  It seemed so difficult to do that with Isaiah because everything about babies in general was so new.  This time around, it has been so much easier to problem-solve, try different things, and be able to apply past experiences to the situation at hand.  For that, parenting a second child has been much easier!

Ezra, 9 weeks

Weeks 8 & 9 have also been all about love.   The more I get to know this new member of our family the more I can't imagine life without him.  My love for him seems to be growing each day, and there are some days where I can barely stand to take my eyes off him. He is so precious, so sweet, and such a beautiful little individual.  What a blessing he is!

Isaiah modeling his new outfit for a Christmas banquet

And then there is my eldest.  Oh, Isaiah.  The last month has been hard for him.  He is realizing more and more he no longer has my undivided attention--that it is shared with another.  He's also gotten two of his two year molars (ouch!), had some viruses, had a growth spurt, and jumped another month closer to being TWO (think 'terrible two's).... He is testing us more and more, wanting independence one moment and then desperate for help in the next.  Deliberately being disobedient one moment, and then offering big hugs and kisses in the next.  There are sweet moments of laughter and giggles, snuggles and cute little words, now inter-mixed with whining, some screaming tantrums, and rebellion.  I like the sweet moments the most. :)   It's a whole new phase of parenting that I don't feel like I quite know how to handle yet.

The sweet moments - Isaiah coming in to give Mommy a face mashing kiss!

With the highs and lows that come with each day, as we tuck them into bed each night I am always amazed at how blessed we are to have two precious boys.

I am crazy in love with them!

Today: Isaiah 23 1/2 months, Ezra, 10 weeks

Mommy Meltdown

Saturday, November 2nd.

When I first started this blog, my goal was to be honest in my writing --with myself and with others.   After all, what's the point of writing for 'therapy' if I don't even tell it to myself straight?

So here it is--a day of my mommy-hood journey that I hope is not repeated.

Today was/is a bad day.  Not with Ezra, not with Isaiah, but with me....in my head.  Today was one of the first days I truly didn't feel like being a mom.  It had nothing to do with my sweet children--whom I never once will ever wish were not here.  It was just me.

Me being tired - physically, emotionally, and mentally.  Tired of changing poopy diapers.  Tired of coloring. Tired of reading Winnie the Pooh. Tired of trying to convince my newborn that a feeding needs to be more than 5 minutes from one side.  Tired of playing with balls, and cars, and trucks.  Tired of repeating myself. Tired of this slow cesarean recovery. Tired of the post-baby weight. Tired of all the messiness that recovering from pregnancy/birth/breastfeeding involves.  Tired of being tired.

 Tired of a routine that today seems very, very mundane.

I dwelt on the winter months looming in front of me, the small room my toddler, baby, and I will spend the majority of our days in, and panicked. I thought about how many years I will need to continue with the poopy diapers, the coloring, the reading of Winnie the Pooh, the trucks, balls, and constant direction to my growing children....and felt desperation.

Today each hour of taking care of my children felt more like a duty than a privilege.

There have been lots of tears today.
Moments of hopelessness mixed with guilt that I even dare have these feelings.

Tonight I pray that tomorrow being a mommy to my precious babes will not be a duty, but a joy once again.
That I will dwell in the rich promises of Christ, not in the deception of the evil one.
That I will walk forward knowing that Christ will sustain me, and that He will give me the strength and love I need to raise these beautiful boys.

Oh, and they are so beautiful.

Ezra, 4 weeks old

Morning snuggles (Isaiah 22 months, Ezra 3 weeks)

Isaiah loves his little brother!