Mommy and Me...(with Daddy too!): December 2016

As the year 2016 is wrapping up, I’ve been thinking back on some of the significant milestones that happened in life. For both, I felt trepidation, and walked into them with no small amount of uncertainty. Now, as I enjoy the reality of both, I am filled with gratefulness at how God has met me in each area.

The first—having three children! It seemed overwhelming, and truth be told, I dreaded the early months of a newborn and toddlers, especially when remembering how hard the early months were with Ezra, when Isaiah was barely two. Over a recent (and lovely) conversation and cup of tea with a wise mom of six, she said something that has stayed with me: Each child is born into a different family than the one before. (What?!) But it’s so true. We are not the same family now as we were when Isaiah was one. Or as we were when Ezra was born. Or as we were last Christmas, with a 3 year old, 2 year old, and me being 8 months pregnant. The kids grow, mature, and develop; thankfully, so do the parents!

Judah’s early months have not been anything like it was with the other two boys in terms of difficulty. Of course the days still have plenty of difficult moments, and there are days when I check the clock every 10 minutes to see when Daddy is coming home from work.....but the transition to having three kids has been waaaaay easier than I anticipated. The ‘big’ boys play together better every month, and can entertain themselves for a while when needed. They go potty by themselves, can get their own snack, put on their own shoes, and tidy up the house when company’s coming. They still need Mommy, but the way they need me is changing as they themselves are changing from toddlers, to preschoolers, to kids.

I am also continually amazed at the amount of JOY Judah brings to our family. From day one he has been calm, quiet, and content to observe the world around him. He loves to smile at anyone who will smile at him, and loves to giggle and be tickled. He has been a terrific night-time sleeper from day three of his life onward—giving me the beautiful gift of sleep. J Though his day-time naps haven’t always been great, he started sleeping 11-12 hours straight each night around 6 months. (Glory hallelujah!) He puts up with his brothers’ roughhousing, and loves to interact and play with him. In every way this little boy has been a blessing to us. We continually thank the Lord for this precious gift of Judah. When I look at our three wonderful, unique, and beautiful boys, I am more in love every day with our family of five!

Now on to the second milestone: This summer I turned 30! Thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrty. For some reason, I was really dreading this occasion. My twenties seemed to have zoomed by, and thirty seemed like a leap over the edge of a big cliff to growing old. I mean, there’s no going back now! (Not that there was before but.....work with me here.)

However, after the first couple days of adjusting to the new number, I have actually been enjoying my new age. It’s been surprising but great. Having been married so young (at 19), and now having kids, I haven’t really ‘felt’ a certain age for a long time. However, as I’ve been thirty, I realize that maybe I am finally nearing the age I’ve been feeling for a long time. There is nothing in me that wants to be back in my early twenties. I have been realizing that God has done so much in my heart, mind, life, and family over the past several years that I am thankful to not be who I was back then.

I have also been realizing a few benefits that have developed over my aging years.

At 20, I felt the pressure to impress, to hold a certain appearance and persona. I struggled, to a degree, to know myself and who I was.

At 30, I feel secure in myself. I don’t feel the need to be anything or anyone but who I am. God has taught me so much about my identity being found only in Christ, and that in Him I can rest securely.

At 20, my body image was in a constant state of flux, staying mostly in a more negative view of myself. I wouldn’t say I had a whole lot of love for my body, feeling like it was never quite pretty or thin enough.

At 30, I am proud of all that my body has done! It has birthed three babies-- toughing it out through two births without medication, recovered from a c-section with one, and provided nutritious milk for all three. It now bears a scar and stretch marks, and is more saggy and lumpy in different places that it was 10 years ago. But, I now have a huge appreciation of all that God has made this body to do, and all that it has accomplished.

At 25, motherhood was brand new, as was Isaiah. I struggled with the transition of working full-time to being at home with this tiny infant who constantly needed me. So many people asked me in that first year, ‘Don’t you love being a mom?!’ Oh, I loved Isaiah with my whole heart, and I loved being his mom, but I didn’t love being a mom. It was hard—so hard.

At 30, I look back over the last five years and am incredibly thankful at all God has taught me through motherhood. He has taught me about being selfless rather than selfish. He has taught me the value of play and being silly, just because. He has taught me about my desperate need to depend on Christ for wisdom, strength, joy, and patience throughout the days. He has shown me that Christ sustains me, and that His grace is sufficient for me.

At 30, I love being a mom. I don’t have it all figured out, and there are many situations with our boys where I have no idea what to do. But, this year especially, there has been a noticeable switch in my own heart where I am truly enjoying my days being a mommy to our boys.

When I really reflect on all that God has done in me over the past several years—and all He continues to do—it actually makes this year of being 30 pretty exciting.

And for that, I am truly thankful.