As our kids have gotten older, parenting has gotten more, not less, difficult! *GASP* THIS WAS NOT WHAT THEY TOLD US! (Whoever they are that told us "it would get easier" as we slogged through long days and sleepless nights with a newborn.)
Instead, it has moved from the overwhelming challenges of a newborn--bringing home a new human being from the hospital and having no idea how to take care of him--to having emotional preschoolers and needing to teach them moral standards and godly values.
It is a constant learning process for us as parents as we face new situations with our kids and their behaviors; we need to continually determine what it is we want our children to learn. After all, it is now--as they learn that actions have consequences, that some behavior is right and some behavior is wrong, and that maybe, just maybe, the world does not always revolve around them--that they begin to develop the foundation for the set of values they will carry into adulthood. No pressure, parents. Yeah, right.
In all actuality, I do feel pressure. Not in a negative sense, but in the sense that I (we) feel the weight of responsibility and care that has been given by God, to us, to raise our children in His ways. A responsibility to teach them how to love God with all their heart, soul, mind and strength. To show them what it means to love others above themselves, and to live with honesty and integrity. These kids of ours are smart--if we teach them one thing but live another way, they see it, and they know.
As we get older, the consequences and ramifications to our actions generally get bigger. A three year old doesn't get sent to jail for taking a candy bar from a store, right? We have a great opportunity and responsibility, then, to teach our children important lessons while they are young. Lessons that may be hard in the moment, for them and for us, but will serve them well in their future.
However, what I notice in myself, and see in the vast majority of parents, is that we don't want our kids to be unhappy. Well, yeah, of course. I love my children, and want nothing but good things for them. The question I have to ask though is this: at what cost am I willing to keep my kids 'happy'? Will I sacrifice the opportunities to learn through natural consequences or situations, just because I don't want to see a tear shed, or because I'm afraid of the tantrum they might throw? Will I cave to the pressure I feel from the world that I shouldn't deny my kids anything? Will I give into complaints, whining, or manipulation just so my kids don't make a 'scene' out in public? (Because we all know that is uncomfortable!)
Here's the thing: Andrew and I want more for our children than just happiness.
Happiness is fickle. Happiness will come and go with the circumstances of life and with the emotions of the day.
No, what we desire for our children is not happiness, but JOY. The deep, abiding, lasting joy that comes from knowing and walking with Jesus Christ. The joy that comes from loving God and trusting in Him, regardless of the circumstances that surround us, and the trials that we face. The joy that comes from walking in truth, and in obedience--doing what God has called us to do, and living how He has called us to live.
With that in mind, we can recognize that giving in to every uncomfortable parenting situation just to 'keep them happy' is not serving them well. It does not prepare them for the reality of adulthood in this world, teach them to be thankful for what they have, or teach them how to put the needs of another above their own. Ultimately, it will not help them to learn how to obey Jesus if we aren't even willing to teach them how to obey us.
Obedience is often not easy, because it means setting ourselves aside and trusting in one over us. We want our three boys to wholeheartedly live their lives for Jesus, obeying and trusting Him in everything, and as their parents, we get to be the training ground for obedience. The ones who teach them to submit to their authorities--and to Jesus--with a soft heart and willing attitude.
Why? Because we love them. Because we want more for them in life than just happiness.
Our children are still little, and so it will be the little lessons, the ones with small consequences and ramifications, that are so important to teach. Now, before our children grow up big and the issues get bigger along with them.
When we keep these goals in mind--to teach our children how to love God, and to love one another more than themselves--it helps guide the new and often uncertain parenting situations we face.
And it helps remind us that the soggy plate of salad from supper the night before that our three year old is eating--at 7:30 am the next morning before breakfast--is actually going to help him learn something important.
Something of more value than his current state of happiness.
 |
| the picture of innocence... :) |
 |
| We love these boys! |
 |
| Cutie! |
