I have been waiting.
Waiting to not be pregnant anymore. Waiting to meet this little dude. Waiting for this huge change to our family and life as we know it.
I have been preparing....
....for things that may not actually hold the most importance. Like getting his room ready, the newborn clothes washed, the pictures painted and up. ( My artistic and creative skills are seriously lacking, but it seems like there is a small inner artist in me somewhere that has been struggling to emerge. I won't open up an Etsy shop anytime soon, but...it's been fun (and stressful). Like making snacks to bring for the nurses/hospital staff (it's a tradition now, and seriously, you want these people to like you!), eating too many of said snacks and having to make more....Like packing my hospital bag and trying to clean the house.
Things I've been not motivated to prepare for but should really rank higher in importance:
Labor! Not good, especially since I know I really need to be mentally prepared and ready for it, as I will be attempting 1) a VBAC, and 2) unmedicated in any way, as was the goal of the last two births. Can I just skip this part and get my baby anyway? I think because Ezra's labor and delivery involved so much more emotional/physical trauma than we ever anticipated with the emergency C-section and long recovery afterwards, I am definitely struggling with anxiety over how this one may go.
Three children! I am the type of person who likes a plan....and functions much better with at least a loose plan/routine/schedule in place. While I am aware that three children will bring many challenges in taking care of them by myself while Andrew is working, I have yet to sit down and mentally work out a routine I could seek to implement that would keep my two active boys occupied. Especially as I anticipate that I will need to spend lots of time with the new little dude in the early months.
Day to day life is still so full in taking care of two young boys, but as I have been wrapping up my responsibilities for work these past few weeks, and have more 'open' time for myself (nap time in our house is a glorious and treasured event!), I have spent a lot of time wandering around aimlessly. Feeling like I should be productive somehow, just not sure where I should be productive or how. It's been some strange and unusual feelings.
In the midst of these wanderings, I have been realizing lately that these are special days that I need to be aware of and treasure. These are my final days with just me and my two boys, cuddled on the couch reading, making snacks, and playing in the snow. It's true that neither get my undivided attention for a long time super often, but with a third thrown into the mix it will be even harder. I'm sure at some points I will struggle with feelings of guilt as to how little I am able to focus on the older two, or each individually. I definitely want to make individual time a priority, but it will be a challenge.
It's hard to believe that it's been almost 2 1/2 years since Ezra made us into a family of four, and this past year has been especially great as we've seen the blessings that slightly older kids bring. Today I sent them out to play in their snow fort--BY THEMSELVES--(gasp) and thought, wow, this is so great! We have even enjoyed four blissful months of being a diaper-free house! (Way to go, Ezra, on basically potty training yourself!) Soon, we will be catapulted back into the newborn stage of long nights, sleep training, and simply trying to figure out a new little person and what they need.
In spite of all that, and the times of mixed feelings I have about all the changes about to take place, I am so excited to have this little new person in my arms. He will make the waiting and the changes worth it.
We can't wait to meet you, little man....come anytime! :)
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| Brothers reading together is so sweet |
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| enjoying the benefits of their labor |
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| chocolate face |
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| loving the snow! |
