On Three and Thirty

As the year 2016 is wrapping up, I’ve been thinking back on some of the significant milestones that happened in life. For both, I felt trepidation, and walked into them with no small amount of uncertainty. Now, as I enjoy the reality of both, I am filled with gratefulness at how God has met me in each area.

The first—having three children!  It seemed overwhelming, and truth be told, I dreaded the early months of a newborn and toddlers, especially when remembering how hard the early months were with Ezra, when Isaiah was barely two.  Over a recent (and lovely) conversation and cup of tea with a wise mom of six, she said something that has stayed with me:  Each child is born into a different family than the one before.  (What?!)  But it’s so true. We are not the same family now as we were when Isaiah was one.  Or as we were when Ezra was born.  Or as we were last Christmas, with a 3 year old, 2 year old, and me being 8 months pregnant.  The kids grow, mature, and develop; thankfully, so do the parents! 

Judah’s early months have not been anything like it was with the other two boys in terms of difficulty.   Of course the days still have plenty of difficult moments, and there are days when I check the clock every 10 minutes to see when Daddy is coming home from work.....but the transition to having three kids has been waaaaay easier than I anticipated. The ‘big’ boys play together better every month, and can entertain themselves for a while when needed.  They go potty by themselves, can get their own snack, put on their own shoes, and tidy up the house when company’s coming.  They still need Mommy, but the way they need me is changing as they themselves are changing from toddlers, to preschoolers, to kids.

I am also continually amazed at the amount of JOY Judah brings to our family.  From day one he has been calm, quiet, and content to observe the world around him. He loves to smile at anyone who will smile at him, and loves to giggle and be tickled.  He has been a terrific night-time sleeper from day three of his life onward—giving me the beautiful gift of sleep. J Though his day-time naps haven’t always been great, he started sleeping 11-12 hours straight each night around 6 months. (Glory hallelujah!)   He puts up with his brothers’ roughhousing, and loves to interact and play with him.  In every way this little boy has been a blessing to us.  We continually thank the Lord for this precious gift of Judah.  When I look at our three wonderful, unique, and beautiful boys, I am more in love every day with our family of five!

Now on to the second milestone: This summer I turned 30! Thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrty.   For some reason, I was really dreading this occasion.  My twenties seemed to have zoomed by, and thirty seemed like a leap over the edge of a big cliff to growing old.  I mean, there’s no going back now! (Not that there was before but.....work with me here.)

However, after the first couple days of adjusting to the new number, I have actually been enjoying my new age.  It’s been surprising but great.  Having been married so young (at 19), and now having kids, I haven’t really ‘felt’ a certain age for a long time.  However, as I’ve been thirty, I realize that maybe I am finally nearing the age I’ve been feeling for a long time. There is nothing in me that wants to be back in my early twenties.  I have been realizing that God has done so much in my heart, mind, life, and family over the past several years that I am thankful to not be who I was back then. 

I have also been realizing a few benefits that have developed over my aging years.

At 20, I felt the pressure to impress, to hold a certain appearance and persona.  I struggled, to a degree, to know myself and who I was. 

At 30, I feel secure in myself.  I don’t feel the need to be anything or anyone but who I am.  God has taught me so much about my identity being found only in Christ, and that in Him I can rest securely.

At 20, my body image was in a constant state of flux, staying mostly in a more negative view of myself.  I wouldn’t say I had a whole lot of love for my body, feeling like it was never quite pretty or thin enough.

At 30, I am proud of all that my body has done!  It has birthed three babies-- toughing it out through two births without medication, recovered from a c-section with one, and provided nutritious milk for all three.  It now bears a scar and stretch marks, and is more saggy and lumpy in different places that it was 10 years ago.  But, I now have a huge appreciation of all that God has made this body to do, and all that it has accomplished.

At 25, motherhood was brand new, as was Isaiah.  I struggled with the transition of working full-time to being at home with this tiny infant who constantly needed me. So many people asked me in that first year, ‘Don’t you love being a mom?!’  Oh, I loved Isaiah with my whole heart, and I loved being his mom, but I didn’t love being a mom.  It was hard—so hard. 

At 30, I look back over the last five years and am incredibly thankful at all God has taught me through motherhood.  He has taught me about being selfless rather than selfish.  He has taught me the value of play and being silly, just because.  He has taught me about my desperate need to depend on Christ for wisdom, strength, joy, and patience throughout the days.  He has shown me that Christ sustains me, and that His grace is sufficient for me. 

At 30, I love being a mom.  I don’t have it all figured out, and there are many situations with our boys where I have no idea what to do.  But, this year especially, there has been a noticeable switch in my own heart where I am truly enjoying my days being a mommy to our boys. 

When I really reflect on all that God has done in me over the past several years—and all He continues to do—it actually makes this year of being 30 pretty exciting. 

And for that, I am truly thankful.

Judah, 9 months

Working on gingerbread houses with Daddy!

Frosting, candy, sticky, oh my!

Working on his Lego magazine

We like to smile together!

Pajama snuggles

We love these three!

   

More Than Happiness

Now that we are professional parents with 4.75 years (combined 9.5 years) of child-rearing experience under our belts....we have noticed an alarming trend.

As our kids have gotten older, parenting has gotten more, not less, difficult!  *GASP*  THIS WAS NOT WHAT THEY TOLD US!  (Whoever they are that told us "it would get easier" as we slogged through long days and sleepless nights with a newborn.)

Instead, it has moved from the overwhelming challenges of a newborn--bringing home a new human being from the hospital and having no idea how to take care of him--to having emotional preschoolers and needing to teach them moral standards and godly values.

It is a constant learning process for us as parents as we face new situations with our kids and their behaviors; we need to continually determine what it is we want our children to learn. After all, it is now--as they learn that actions have consequences, that some behavior is right and some behavior is wrong, and that maybe, just maybe, the world does not always revolve around them--that they begin to develop the foundation for the set of values they will carry into adulthood. No pressure, parents.  Yeah, right.

In all actuality, I do feel pressure.  Not in a negative sense, but in the sense that I (we) feel the weight of responsibility and care that has been given by God, to us, to raise our children in His ways.  A responsibility to teach them how to love God with all their heart, soul, mind and strength.  To show them what it means to love others above themselves, and to live with honesty and integrity.  These kids of ours are smart--if we teach them one thing but live another way, they see it, and they know.

As we get older, the consequences and ramifications to our actions generally get bigger.  A three year old doesn't get sent to jail for taking a candy bar from a store, right?  We have a great opportunity and responsibility, then, to teach our children important lessons while they are young.  Lessons that may be hard in the moment, for them and for us, but will serve them well in their future.

However, what I notice in myself, and see in the vast majority of parents, is that we don't want our kids to be unhappy.  Well, yeah, of course.  I love my children, and want nothing but good things for them.  The question I have to ask though is this: at what cost am I willing to keep my kids 'happy'? Will I sacrifice the opportunities to learn through natural consequences or situations, just because I don't want to see a tear shed, or because I'm afraid of the tantrum they might throw?  Will I cave to the pressure I feel from the world that I shouldn't deny my kids anything?  Will I give into complaints, whining, or manipulation just so my kids don't make a 'scene' out in public?  (Because we all know that is uncomfortable!)

Here's the thing: Andrew and I want more for our children than just happiness.

Happiness is fickle.  Happiness will come and go with the circumstances of life and with the emotions of the day.

No, what we desire for our children is not happiness, but JOY.  The deep, abiding, lasting joy that comes from knowing and walking with Jesus Christ.  The joy that comes from loving God and trusting in Him, regardless of the circumstances that surround us, and the trials that we face.  The joy that comes from walking in truth, and in obedience--doing what God has called us to do, and living how He has called us to live.

With that in mind, we can recognize that giving in to every uncomfortable parenting situation just to 'keep them happy' is not serving them well. It does not prepare them for the reality of adulthood in this world, teach them to be thankful for what they have, or teach them how to put the needs of another above their own.  Ultimately, it will not help them to learn how to obey Jesus if we aren't even willing to teach them how to obey us.

Obedience is often not easy, because it means setting ourselves aside and trusting in one over us.  We want our three boys to wholeheartedly live their lives for Jesus, obeying and trusting Him in everything, and as their parents, we get to be the training ground for obedience.  The ones who teach them to submit to their authorities--and to Jesus--with a soft heart and willing attitude.

Why? Because we love them. Because we want more for them in life than just happiness.

Our children are still little, and so it will be the little lessons, the ones with small consequences and ramifications, that are so important to teach. Now, before our children grow up big and the issues get bigger along with them.

When we keep these goals in mind--to teach our children how to love God, and to love one another more than themselves--it helps guide the new and often uncertain parenting situations we face.

And it helps remind us that the soggy plate of salad from supper the night before that our three year old is eating--at 7:30 am the next morning before breakfast--is actually going to help him learn something important.

Something of more value than his current state of happiness.

the picture of innocence... :)

We love these boys!

Cutie!

Highlights of Summer

I'm a little bit saddened to see how much time has gone by since I have blogged!  It means there have been so many things that have happened over the past four (!!!!) months that will very likely not be remembered...because I didn't write them down!  There is only so much this brain is retaining these days...

Summer flew by as quickly as the leaves are falling off the big tree in our front yard right now.  Previous summers have tended to drag on for me, but with three little ones this year to care for/referee/manage, a larger house to spread out in, and two boys old enough to play out on our lawn by themselves...wow, what a difference. It was fun and full.

Family pictures with four three little kids are no joke! (Just keep smiling, just keep smiling....)

I also spent a fair amount of time cooking, enjoying Whole30 compliant meals for much of summer.  [Yes, the Whole30 program was a bit challenging, but in different ways than I expected.  The food was great, and I loved how amazing I felt eating like that that I kept it up, only slightly modified, for almost a whole extra month and then some.]  We enjoyed many meals cooked on the grill, and lots of fresh produce from Andrew's garden.

A wonderful chicken salad (drizzled with balsamic vinegar) on a hot summer evening.  Clearly I suffered.... :)

A typical breakfast -egg in ham cups, orange roasted carrots, sliced avocado.  Yum!

Apart from that, summer contained much of what it should:  Boys in dirt, boys in grass, boys in the pool, boys on bikes, boys with sticks, boys at the park, boys in the sand pit, boys playing SuperHeros! Here are some pictures to prove it...

Ezra having a blast at the beach

we enjoyed several campfire right in our front yard

Ezra getting a ride on Andrew's unicycle / Isaiah practicing on his pedal bike

Camping with Daddy!  I don't think there was a whole lot of sleeping done, but they sure had fun!

This little guy loves his 'pouch'.  Together we ran around all summer after his big brothers!

Judah at 6 months.  What a cutie!

Judah at 4 months...the smiles never stop.

7 months. Oh my goodness. We can't get enough of this kid.

We also had a visit from my parents in July - a great highlight of our summer!

Oh yeah, and it was a big summer for Andrew and I:  we celebrated our 10th anniversary in June, and the big 3-0 in July!  Whew.  I was less than excited to turn 30, but I've come to grips with it...I think. Haha!  Andrew has been sporting distinguished patches of [rapidly multiplying] gray hairs for quite some time, and he continues to look forward to being an old man.  (No really, he does.)

Our 10th Anniversary....we enjoyed a wonderful ( kid-free) steak dinner and quality time together

Blowing out all 30 candles on our birthday.  We shared an ice cream cake:  Andrew's side was Oreo/Peanut Butter, and my side was Vanilla with lemon curd and fresh raspberry sauce.   Both were delicious! :)

I also 'enjoyed' taking up running this summer in preparation to run in the annual cross-country race that is hosted by the Bible school where we work.  It felt like a slow and painful journey to fitness after over a year of non-strenuous physical activity--apart from child-growing and birth!--but I really loved being outside and challenging myself.  Last Saturday I ran the race, not as fast as I'd hoped but still a personal best! With three little ones to care for and my part-time work to be done each week, I am proud of where I've come so far in my quest towards strength and fitness.

After the race with my friends Laura and Melissa. 

A big first for our family has also been...school!  After much prayer and consideration, we decided to have Isaiah start kindergarten. I am using a full curriculum that lays everything out clearly and has pretty much everything included in the kit, which is great because otherwise I think it would be way too overwhelming--for me!  Our goal during this year is to encourage his love of learning, have fun, explore new things, and still have plenty of time to wrestle with his brother, build Legos, and play outside.

I wasn't quite sure what to call it...but he sure wanted his picture taken too!

What a beautiful family the Lord has given us!
We live in constant thankfulness for God's care over us.

Hard Things

(Please note, this post is not addressing the very real, very hard situations we are faced with in life, such as abuse, death, financial and personal struggles, etc., nor do I make light of those.) 

Something you may not know about me--or maybe you do:

I like to do hard things.

For the things in life we get to choose, many people equate hard with bad--something to be avoided--but I find that a lot of times the really hard things end up being some of the best.   'Hard' often just means challenging, stretching, and re-defining. 

'Hard' is outside the comfort box that I try to draw tightly around myself. And that's why I like it, even need it sometimes.  'Hard' makes me push past normalcy to go and do more than I thought I could.

The other day I was working out with one of Bob Harper's DVD's, my 4 year old and 3 month old observing me (in my life right now there is no perfect time to exercise, so I take it when I can), and Isaiah says, "Oh, this is the really hard guy, right?"  Yes, yes it is. 

And that's why I love Bob's workouts.  I want to be pushed past my perceived physical boundaries. I want someone yelling at me that I can do more, to not give up. I want to feel like I can barely stand up at the end, because I know that I gave it my all, and that tomorrow, I can do more than I could today.

I birthed two out of our three babies without drugs or medications, and lots of people have asked "Why?!?!"....like, "Why would you put your self through that when you don't have to?"  There were lots of actual reasons, but when I'm honest, a part of it was simply because it was hard, and I like the challenge of doing hard things. Not that I maintained those sentiments during the birth process...  :) 

So, on to the next.  In a few days, a friend and I are doing the eating program called Whole30 together. Basically, for 30 days, you eat meat, vegetables, fruit, healthy fats, and nuts--whole, unprocessed foods.  No grains, dairy, sugar, alcohol, or legumes--and no cheating!  

It's going to be hard.  I'm going to face prepping and preparing Whole30 compliant food for myself, and then food for my family, with 3 little boys in tow.  I'm going to have to redefine what a snack looks like when I'm exhausted (from said 3 little boys), have nothing in the fridge, and just need food for energy.  I'm not going to be able to have cream in my coffee or hummus with my vegetables for 30.whole.days.  (When I think of it, those are two of the things I feel most sad to not eat for a month. Ha!)

But....it's going to be awesome!  Seriously, I am so pumped (and nervous) for this.  These kind of strict, black and white guidelines are exactly what I need and appreciate. Goals from the month include, but are not limited to: taking off some remaining weight from pregnancy, reducing energy slumps, and creating a better, healthier relationship with food in general.  

I don't want to ever fear hard things just because they are....hard. 

Sometimes, the hard things end up being the best!

Here are my top best hard things:

Isaiah: 4 years, Ezra, 2 years

Judah, 3 months 

A New Normal

Today, Judah is four weeks old. Four weeks!  It seems like no time at all, but then also like forever. This week was different for us as a family, because it was the first week of our new normal, with Andrew working Monday-Friday, and me at home with the kids.  All THREE of them.  I know lots of moms with four, five, and six kids, so three might not seem like very many to them, but to me, this is a 33% increase in offspring to look after and raise. (And that seems like a lot to me!!)

For weeks 1-3, I had lots of help. Andrew had paternal leave for a couple weeks, my mom came for a week, and it was all wonderful.  However, I started to feel inklings of panic in week three, knowing that reality was about to set in on my new normal as a mom.

I was looking at the endless-seeming amount of days in front of me now, raising three boys.  So many hours to fill playing, soothing, refereeing, reading, changing diapers and wiping bums, and playing, playing, and more playing.  These long days of play have always been challenging for me (see these posts on more of that: Mommy Meltdown and Worn Knees), but I have definitely seen a lot of growth in that area for myself. However, we have been looking forward to Judah's arrival for so long, the past several months were spent geared towards his birth, even in the midst of all the play.  Now that he's here, I was struggling to see what there was to look forward to now.

As I turned these thoughts over Jesus, he gently and softly reminded me that my role as Mommy to these boys is so much more than just playing and surviving each day.  

They are really only in my care for a such a short time, and each day, one day at a time, I am able to teach, train, instruct, and guide them--towards Jesus and His ways, to love others and be kind, to be honorable and truthful, to work hard and always do your best.  Many lessons will come through, and in the midst of play, so the hours of play need not be wasted.  

Some days will be better than others.  Some will be really good, but some will be really hard.  I will seeking to not look at the hundreds of days before me, but to take each day one. at. a. time.

In this time of being needed by three little ones, and in days that can seem so long yet go so fast, I want to cherish today.  THIS day, regardless of how it feels in the moment.

And now it's Friday! I survived my first week on my own, and you know what?  One day at a time, we had a good week together, my three boys and I--even with lots of messy moments scattered in the midst of it all.

It's our new normal.  And it's good. :) 

Judah (12 days old) at his first Cabane a Sucre (Sugar shack), celebrating Quebec's maple syrup season!

Isaiah rolling his maple syrup taffy

Wow, this is good!

Cat in the Hat snacks...from our week learning about Dr Seuss!

SO EXCITED to get to eat Lucky Charms - last week was all about St Patrick and St. Patrick's Day!

Shamrock cake they made with Nana!

Nana also made them a treasure hunt....Looking for clues!

Listening to Isaiah's first clue

Treasure!

My mom and Judah - it was so great to have her here!

We like to sit and take pictures of ourselves while the older boys play quietly together run around chasing each other with swords....

Matching green stripes for St. Patrick's Day

My little studious learner

Painting rainbows

Continuing the fun...last weekend the big boys also got to do a treasure hunt outside that Andrew made for them!