Ezra's Birth

Well, it's been 3 1/2 weeks since Ezra was born.  I decided I better write out his birth story before all the memories get fuzzy and muted. Watch out, it's lengthy!

The date was Friday, October 4th.  Andrew and I went in to the hospital for a non-stress test, because since I was 8 days late they wanted to be sure that the baby was still doing fine and that the womb was still a happy and healthy place for him to hang out in.  Everything looked great, so we came home.  My induction date was set for Monday, the 7th, if he hadn't come yet.

At this point I did feel like I was going to be pregnant forever.  After days, no, weeks, of expecting to go into labor every night/day, Andrew and I both felt numb to the idea...as in, this is just never going to happen, so why keep waiting expectantly?

With Isaiah I didn't have any pre-labor signs, no contractions, no nothing--my water broke first, and then the contractions started shortly after, so I expected it would be the same this time around.  I had a hint of an idea that something was going to happen soon on Friday evening ( this is a good part to keep vague, haha!), but still wasn't super hopeful.

I woke up at 12:15am that night with contractions.  They seemed fairly short, and manageable, so I let Andrew keep sleeping and tried to keep resting myself.  I had a 16 hr labor with Isaiah, and didn't feel there would be a huge rush this time around either. The hospital is an hour and 15 minutes away however, so the timing is kind of important.

Around 1:15 they seemed to be coming closer, so I woke up Andrew. He timed four - they were 90-120 seconds long, and 3-4 minutes.  Okay, not so short after all!  We needed to get moving.  We called our neighbor who was going to spend the night at our house with Isaiah, and started to get ready to go.  After another 20 minutes or so I started to get the idea that this labor might be a quick one.  It was starting to get intense.

And then....the car ride. I knew it wasn't going to be fun being strapped into a moving vehicle, but the first 30-40 minutes were crazy. The contractions became unbelievably painful, and I felt like I was really losing control. The relaxation and breathing I had practised seemed impossible to implement. Then everything settled down, and I was able to relax and regain some sanity back for the second half of the ride.  I started getting nervous though, because there was a few times I started to feel the urge to push, which means that the end is close. We just needed to get there!

After making our way to the Maternity triage, standing in the hallway waiting for a nurse to show up while telling Andrew "I need to push!" (and feeling like I was going to have Ezra right there if a nurse didn't show up soon!), and finally getting checked, I was 8-9 cm and excited that I had only been in labor for a little over 3 hours.  But seriously, can't we do the paperwork and formalities later?  I am ready to have a baby, people!  The nurses didn't seem to catch my sense of urgency......

We got in our L&D room, and I had to get into the bed so they could monitor the heartbeat.  I wasn't planning on getting an epidural, so the nurse kindly read our birth plan and seemed on board and supportive of our wishes.  Another 10 minutes or so passed, and then my water broke, and I wanted to push.  The nurse came in to check me so she could give me the go ahead to do so...and then everything went a bit crazy.

"You said this baby was head down?", she asked me.  "Um, yes!"  "I need to go get the doctor. Don't push."  Out she went, and I knew right away that everything about our situation had just changed--somehow, someway, Ezra's head was not down any more.  So there we are, waiting, and me not pushing.

  ***If you have ever been in labor with a child and having the urge to push, you will know how incredibly awful it is to not push when your body is screaming at you to 'PUSH!'  It is an overwhelming need, that is almost involuntary.  This was not fun. The closest thing I could compare it to, that I know and have experienced, is having the definite need to throw up and being told to hold in it for a good long while. Yeah, right. Not lovely or pretty, I know, but pretty comparable.***

She came back with a couple doctors, who confirmed Ezra was now in a breech position.  They told us that while a normal delivery is possible, there were not any doctors there or on call who have enough experience doing them to feel comfortable with it.  Therefore, the only safe option was to have a C-section.

We were kind of in shock, and I immediately felt disappointed because I knew I was not going to get to push....ever.  I had actually really been looking forward to the pushing stage of labor, because from my experience with Isaiah, it is the most enjoyable part of the whole labor.  The end is in sight, you can actually do something to contribute to the whole process, and the pain is negligible in the sense that it actually just feels so great to push.

Anyway...I digress.  We said a definite ok to the C-section, and at that point I just wanted it done as soon as possible, because I was still 10 cm dialated, still having strong and very close contractions, and still needing to push. I basically was feeling desperate to have this baby out of me.

This part of the whole event is a beautiful part of the story.  Yes, my drug free birth just went out the window. Yes, I was going to get an IV, an epidural, and a C-section. Yes, I had been terrified of the three aforementioned items for both of my pregnancies, and very much didn't want any of them. Yes, I had absolutely no idea about what a C-section entailed and the recovery from it, because it was so far from my mind as ever being a needed option I never looked into it. And YES, in those moments I felt the total, all-surpassing, beyond understanding, peace of God that totally overwhelmed me with His goodness and grace. I had no nerves.  No quickened heartbeat.  No butterflies.  Nothing but a complete sense of calm and rest (while still in active labor and not pushing....) in the middle of a drastic alteration of all my  hopes and plans.
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I am doing a Bible study right now by Beth Moore calling Stepping Up: A Journey into the Psalms of Ascent.  That morning (Friday),  my day of homework in the study was on Psalm 121.

I lift my eyes toward the mountains.Where will my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. 

He will not allow your foot to slip; your Protector will not slumber.

Indeed, the Protector of Israel does not slumber or sleep.

The Lord protects you; the Lord is a shelter right by your side.[a]

The sun will not strike you by day or the moon by night.

He will protect your life. Lord will protect your coming and going both now and forever.

This is from the HCSB version she used.  The study that day focused on the Lord being our Protector.  The first two verses of the psalm came to mind with the very first contraction, and I repeated them over and over through many contractions.  As the whole C-section unfolded, the Lord reminded me of the lesson from the day and of these verses - that He is my Protector, and that He was protecting me and Ezra.  What beautiful words of comfort and security.  I was then, and continue to be, amazed and so very thankful at how the Lord arranged the entire thing.  The c-section was not a part of my plan, but it was in His, and with it He blessed us with peace and reminders of His promises.

So it happened.  My relief was very great when the epidural took effect, because then my urge to push and all the pain from not doing so vanished.  Wow, I can really understand why women like epidurals--I must say, it was like pure bliss in that moment....  :)

All in all, it was about 40 minutes between the time they realized Ezra was breech and the time he was born--just 4 hrs and 45 minutes since my first contraction. I felt totally coherent and with it during the surgery, and could feel them make the cut, pull, push, and tug around (but without any pain), and got to hold him almost right away. They sewed me up, and we were all deemed healthy and well.

We had a son!  I was so glad it was all over and he was with us.  The question remained though - what on earth happened?  On Monday and Thursday, both my doctor and chiropractor were 100% sure Ezra was head down and engaged.  On Friday I had an ultrasound and though nothing specific was mentioned, the doctor who did it certainly didn't reference a breech baby - in fact, he went over my induction date with me, and said something like, "If labor starts before then, don't wait! Come right in."

I kept being asked if I felt him turn, because apparently it is quite noticeable by the mom, and is usually accompanied by nausea and all sorts of things. I kept saying no, because I really didn't feel anything unusual.  I actually didn't know that that even happened - I knew sometimes breech babies turned down at the last minute, but I didn't know they turned up!  Apparently it is quite rare, but does happen.....yeah, no kidding!

So we finally figured it out.  Ahhhhh, the car ride.  Those crazy and wild contractions for 30-40 minutes on the way to the hospital that all of a sudden calmed down and got manageable again?  That must have been when he flipped.

In the end, I am so grateful for the way it happened.  Obviously the Lord had his hand on us both - perhaps it was even the direct hand of the Lord that turned Ezra.  We have no way of knowing what would have happened or how things would have gone (for him or for me) if I had birthed him naturally as we intended.

We just trust that the Lord knows best--for He does--and thank him for bringing Ezra safely into this world.

Fresh out of surgery, and feeling good (of course, everything was still numb, ha!).

So happy to hold our new little man!

Ezra Caleb

Ezra: Helper  Caleb: Wholehearted, Faithful

Ezra, 1 week old

Meet Ezra Caleb Dusing!  Our sweet second son was born at 4:57am on October 5th, 2013 - 9 days 'overdue', but yet, right on time.  He weighed in at a surprising 9 lbs, 4oz, and was 21 inches long. He gave his mom and dad quite a story through his labor and delivery, but came out healthy, beautiful, and so very loved.

I can't believe he is almost 2 weeks old already. Wow, it goes so fast!  Often during these last few days I keep thinking back to Isaiah's first couple weeks of life, which were hard and full of challenges -- not because he was a difficult baby (he wasn't!), but because the whole parenting thing was new, scary, and overwhelming, plus with lots of difficulty with breastfeeding and L&D recovery on my end. This time, while the recovery of his birth has been quite hard on me again, it has been so much less stressful welcoming Ezra into our family. We are already used to getting up in the middle of the night, feeding a baby, changing teeny diapers, swaddling wild, flailing, tiny humans, soothing upset tummies, and a host of other baby things --plus, are much less stressed in general by the sound of a baby crying.  

Of course there have been plenty of challenges along the way, but I am feeling so blessed and thankful at the way we are all adapting to life as a family of four.

Isaiah loves, loves, loves to kiss and hold his baby brother.  He is good at being very gentle with Ezra, not super good at being quiet when he's sleeping, and overall a great helper with stuff involving Ezra.
Ironically, Isaiah has been waking up more in the middle of the night than his newborn brother this last week! Not sure what is going on with that, but we are hoping it will pass quickly.  They tend to not synchronize their waking up at night time either...  :)

We actually have been super blessed by what a good night time sleeper Ezra has been so far.  He is up only 1 or 2 times, eats, and goes right back to sleep. The nice thing about having a big baby is that you don't have to worry about letting them have longer stretches of night sleep early on.  I have been feeling way more rested since we came back from the hospital than I did the last two months of pregnancy--I am for sure getting more and better quality sleep!  It's a wonderful thing.

That's all for now. This mommy of two is filled with thankfulness for God's hand being upon us and with us, and for the blessing of our healthy baby boy, Ezra.   

Welcome here, sweet child. We're so very glad to have you in our family!

Brand new!

1 day old

Isaiah loving on his baby brother!

Waiting

Please notice the date.

October 2nd, 2013.

And no baby.

Whew.

It wasn't until a couple days ago that the thought even occurred to me that having a baby in October was a possibility, and now, it will be a reality!

In all honesty, it hasn't been an easy week of waiting.  With how I was feeling in early/mid-September, I was pretty sure he was going to be early, so we've been expecting me to go into labor for quite some time.

Then, last week my parents came from the States to be here to take of Isaiah during the birth, and to be around to help in the first days.  This morning, Andrew took them to the airport for their scheduled departure.  We had a great visit--lots of fun playing cards, taking walks in some beautiful fall weather and eating good food--and it was great for Isaiah to get to know them.  But still, no baby.  Each day the waiting seemed more difficult, mostly for the pressure I felt upon my self (not given by them, but by me), for this baby to come while they were here.  After all, that was the reason they came!

Last Thursday, my due date, I was up early around 5:15 am, not sleeping well and feeling anxious to have this baby. I spent some time in Psalms 130-131 that morning, which have been the perfect reminders for me this week.

Psalm 130: 1-2, 5-7.
 "Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord; O Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy.  I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.  My soul waits for the Lord, more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning.  O Israel, put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love and with him is full redemption."

Psalm 131
"My heart is not proud, O Lord, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Israel, put your hope in the Lord both now and forevermore."

First, I was convicted - how many nights of poor sleep this pregnancy have I waited for the morning to come, with so much more desperation and passion than I have been waiting for--and upon--the Lord each day?  Too many.  How much have I concerned myself with own plans (and timeline) for this baby, rather than quieting my soul before the Lord and resting upon His plan?  Far too much.

The words brought comfort, rest, and peace to my anxious soul.  The Lord has used those words over and over this week to remind me of His promises, and to keep my impatience in check.

Monday I had an appointment with my doctor--an appointment I had really not thought I would need (because the baby would already be here....), and I was terribly anxious for it.  Since she had asked about it the week before, and I had said no, I thought she would put some pressure on me to let her sweep my membranes this time, which is supposed to speed up labor starting.  The week before she had practically already scheduled my induction date, which was also making me anxious because she was so quick to intervene instead of just letting this baby come when he is ready (and with both of us still being fine and healthy).   Anyway, I had been back and forth on what to do about the membrane sweep for a couple days, and was literally at the point of tears in car.  I was going to go ahead with it, then not, then yes, then no.   For some, I know it's not a big deal, and others I know aren't fans of it being done.  My level of anxiety seemed to far outweigh the actual situation.

So twenty minutes into the drive, my heart cried out in desperation, 'Lord, what should I do?'  The answer came very clearly from the words of Psalm 130:  Wait for the Lord. Wait. 

"Wait" continued to echo in my head.  All the reasons I maybe should do it swirled around, but all I could keep hearing was 'wait'.   Andrew affirmed me to just not do it, and that together we would be prepared to stand against my doctor if need be.

The Lord is good.  My doctor didn't even try to ask me again, just an 'Ok, well I won't sweep them today since you don't want that" matter of factly, plus some great steps on her part to work with us towards an agreeable induction date, plus an induction method that I actually feel pretty good about.  We were blown away at how much she seems to get and be ok with our desired type of birth, and totally saw the Lord's hand over it all.

If baby isn't here, I will have a non-stress test on Friday, with a tentative induction date for Monday, the 7th. We would appreciate your prayers for health and safety for the baby, that the Lord would bring him forth at the perfect time, and that we would continue to wait upon the Lord, putting our hope only in Him.

The last pregnancy picture I took was at 40 wks + 1day.  Today I am 40 wks + 6days, and you know what?  I seriously doubt I will take another picture.  Some things just don't matter any more.  Come, little one, come! We are so excited to meet you. :)