Discovery

This week Isaiah has discovered his hands. They are incredibly fascinating, mysterious, and entirely frustrating. These things called fingers move, clasp together, intertwine, and somewhere, somewhere there is a thumb that is meant to be sucked. (The knuckles just aren't as tasty!)

It's a very entertaining process of discovery to watch. We are also thinking he may end up being a lefty, as he very much favors his left hand in all of his activities.

The last two or three days, these hands are also getting in the way of sleep-time. I mean, seriously, who would want to sleep when instead you could stare at your hands and wiggle your fingers for hours on end? Not me, thank you very much! (speaking for Isaiah...) Ha! It's actually nothing as dramatic as that, though he does seem much too busy playing with his hands/fingers to get sleepy. They are just soooooooooooo interesting. :)

It's the thumb that is the most frustrating. It's right there--so close I can practically taste it! I just Can't. Get. It. In. My. Mouth! (Speaking for Isaiah again.)

Frustrating for both Isaiah and Mommy. He still needs the swaddle to sleep well, but he fights trying to get his arms out so he can suck his fists (seeing as his thumbs are still unattainable), especially when he spits out the pacifier. This will be fine once he can get his thumb, but now he just gets so aggravated stuffing his hand in mouth and not getting what he's after that he wakes himself up over. and over. and over again. So Mommy re-swaddles him over. and over. and over again. It's like trying to swaddle Houdini! I just got this swaddle sack thingy at Wal-Mart yesterday to see if that will be better than the receiving blankets, which are clearly becoming inadequate. :)

Isaiah's 3 month birthday is today. Wow, so fast! It seems like in all the books and blogs that 3 months is some kind of 'magical' age where good things happen for sleeping and development, so I'm eager to see what the next month brings. He is doing great, sleeping good at night and most of his naps, and learning so much. I'm incredibly thankful to witness such a beautiful little life.

Looking cool with Daddy.

Moments to Remember

A few days ago I was sitting in our rocking chair, snuggling with Isaiah before I put him down for a nap. I noticed his wispy fohawk, long dark eyelashes, and cute little mouth. It was such a peaceful moment, and it got me to thinking about moments since his birth that I remember.

I figured these moments would be fun to document, because hey, let's face it, due to lack of sleep and trying to figure out what-on-earth-are-we doing-and-how-do-we-do it, there aren't that many moments that I remember super clearly since December 29th....

LABOR:

Someday I may write about this experience in the full. :) Until then, a couple highlights:

-The time is 10:30pm, December 28th. It'd been a long day in Montreal with a Dr. Appt in the A.M., braving a big snowstorm during the day, and picking my mom up at the airport in the P.M. Up early, with no nap. I am one tired pregnant lady. I crawl into bed, and just as my head hits the pillow (literally), my water breaks. "Um, Andrew?" "Yeah?" "I'm pretty sure my water just broke." (this was super exciting, but I also just wanted to sleep!)

Here I am, the contractions were getting worse: it's about 2am and Andrew's

loading up the car to head back into Montreal.

-The time is 6:55am, December 29th... Because Isaiah was not turned the right way for delivery, the nurse had me lay in 4 different positions (15 min in each, all of which were super painful, by the way), to try and turn him. I turn into the 4th position, and vomit profusely. All over my bed and myself, on the floor, and apparently--as I found out later--on Andrew (who totally took it all in stride, what a guy!). The nurse's shift ended at 7am, so it was like a good-bye present! haha... I felt bad, although she was not very nice, friendly, sympathetic, or understanding. She's known to us now as the "mean nurse".

-The time is 11am, December 29th... I'm wondering: will this ever end??!? Not sure how much more I can take-- I was around 8-9 cm dilated. Christina, the nurse who came at 7am, and was with us through the delivery (an incredible nurse...we were sooo blessed by her encouragement and support), suggested I get into the bath they had available to try and relax so my body could progress into the next phase. I did, and for about 10 glorious seconds: BLISS. I remember what felt like a smile come across my face, and I felt not a single bit of pain as I slipped into the bath. What relief. Granted, that only lasted those amazing 10 seconds, and then my contractions got much more intense, but it was a welcome respite, and it worked! After 30 minutes I was ready to go back to my room and push.

BABY

-It was either the 1st or 2nd night in the hospital. It was the middle of the night, probably around 2 or 3am. Isaiah had just eaten, and Andrew was going to get him and put him back in his bassinet so we could all go back to sleep. (While pushing, I had pulled on my legs while I pushed, and so my arms were totally shot. It was difficult just to carry my little 7lb baby, and getting out of bed while holding him was pretty much impossible, so I needed Andrew in order to get Isaiah back in his bassinet.)

Andrew had laid back down - "Just wake me when you're ready." Well, I was ready, and quite eager to sleep myself. "Andrew. Andrew. (Isaiah is sleeping, so I'm trying to get Andrew's attention but not yell loud enough to wake Isaiah.) Andrew! Andrew! PSSSST! Andrew!!" This is not working. Hmm....what can I throw? I see a pack of Saltines on my bedside tray, and huck it at him. I just missed, but it still made a racket smacking the floor next to him. ANDREW!!! After about 30 times of saying 'Andrew', I gave up. And immensely enjoyed my tiny, new, sweet sleeping bundle snuggled up against my chest. I didn't sleep much the next couple hours, but the memory was worth it.

Andrew's magical pull-out chair/bed....which was apparently very comfortable!

-In Week 1: I cried the first time I thought of Isaiah as being a man. I'd been holding my precious tiny child after he'd been crying quite a while, and then he fell asleep in my arms. All of a sudden, I got a picture of me as a 50 year old with grey hair, and this tall, dark, handsome man walking by. I couldn't stop the tears.

-In Week 2: During this week he was up many times in the middle of the night. This particular night, he'd been up crying since 1am. It was now 4am. I had brought him out into the living room with me so as to hopefully let Andrew sleep a bit, and we snuggled on the couch. I whispered in his ear that that I would hold him as long as he needed me to hold him, now and always. That Mommy was here for him, and that I loved him so much. About 5 minutes later he stopped crying, and fell asleep.

This is long enough for now, but I hope you enjoyed a few moments with me in this journey of mommy-hood.

Here is Isaiah last week. I asked Andrew to dress him, and this is what he brought him out in. :)

I interpret this look as: "Mommy, I'm sleepy. Do I really have to take pictures now?"

Transformation

"Transformation is not a future event. It is a present activity."

Wise words from Jillian Michaels.

I am currently dealing with the reality that I may have eaten a few too many snacks and evening munchies during my pregnancy. Working in the kitchen 10-12 hours every day with lots of yummy food always available wasn't really in my favor thistime around. I had kinda imagined that all my pregnancy weight would just magically melt away. Hmm.....still waiting....

Well, truthfully, in some ways it did. The 30 lbs of normal pregnancy weight did seem to vanish quickly and magically. It's the, uh, over-and-beyond pounds that want to stay. So. Now I have an 11 week old baby, and unless I want to wear my maternity pants forever (which are getting baggy), or buy a whole new wardrobe (which we really can't afford), I need to get serious about kicking this body into action.

I starting a few weeks ago with some not-too-intense workouts, and they were good. I wanted to get moving but not wear myself out for the day. But now, I mean business. That means it's time to bust out the Jillian Michaels DVDs!

This woman is intense, and I love it! My best-ever workout buddy Laura and I spent many hours in the last 2 years sweating to the sound of her and Bob Harper's voices. (Bob also does excellent, intense workout - they are all at least an hour long, so be prepared.) Last night I was home alone as Andrew was at the Center's annual men's retreat, Isaiah was asleep, and there weren't many excuses left. I put in Jillian's "Ripped in 30" DVD, which I got last April right before I found out I was pregnant.

It was both exhilarating and a bit depressing. Great because I love to get intense with exercise. I mean, if you're going to exercise, you may as well give it 110%, right?! Depressing because in May, at 10 weeks pregnant, I could do the Week 4 workout, which is pretty wild. Now, 10 months later, Week 1 was tough. *sigh* After about 15 minutes last night I reluctantly unscrewed a few pounds off my dumbbells--it's good to sweat, but I knew it'd be smarter to ease into things a wee bit more, so I could still move today. :) Still, it also felt great because it was a side of me that I hadn't got to see in a while, and I realized that I don't need to lose it to motherhood. Fitness has always been important to me and I'll be happier and healthier if I keep it a priority.

Anyway, I am sore today, and it's such a good feeling to feel those muscles again that I haven't noticed in a while. (Seriously though, like where on earth did my abdominal muscles disappear too!??!) Jillian usually has some bit of self-help advice at the end of her workouts in the cool-down ("Be better, be more, do more in every area of your life"...Thank Jesus that I can depend on HIM for strength in each day!)), but I appreciated her comment on getting fit and losing weight. "Transformation is not a future event." It's so true. Transformation happens in the little choices throughout the day. The decisions to get moving and exercise each day, the decision to put down the 2nd cookie and pick up an apple instead.... :) You get the idea.

So here's to the transformation. It may be a long road, but I'll get there. Just you wait. Want to join me? :)

Lost and Found

The last couple weeks have been....interesting. Really hard, but full of beautiful moments with Isaiah as he is smiling, cooing, and generally stealing our hearts away. What a gift he is to us!

Right now we are having trouble with daytime naps. Like, lots of trouble. Because of that, I am consumed right now with naps. I think about them all day long--when he's sleeping, when he's not sleeping, in the shower, before bed, in the middle of the night feedings, when I wake up, eating, cleaning, working, etc etc. I've read countless blog posts from experience moms, books on newborns, books on sleep for babies, and on it goes. I keep logs of all the day's activities, lengthen his waketime, shorten his waketime, more stimulation, less stimulation. *sigh* It's exhausting. Each nap-time is a new opportunity for success, and many times it feels just like another chance for failure. I usually have a minor breakdown each day. Today, it was a MAJOR breakdown.

Funny thing was, as I put Isaiah down for the 2nd time in his napping period after 30 minutes of us both crying, he went to sleep. For a solid hour and 45 minutes. The longest he's napped in his crib in a single period since Tuesday. It gives me hope. Hope that I'm not doing something chronically wrong. Hope that we'll figure it out together. Hope for more predicable days where Isaiah gets the rest he needs and Mommy can get stuff...or anything... done.

In the midst of these daily challenges, I have Lost and Found many things in the past few weeks.

-I have Lost my identity in my work.

--I have Found my identity is in Christ alone.

-I have Lost the strength to carry on by myself.

--I have Found energy through Him who sustains me.

-I have Lost many hours of needed sleep during night feedings.

--I have Found joy in watching my precious child enthusiastically nurse and fill his tummy.

-I have Lost my expectations for accomplishing a long To-Do list.

--I have Found satisfaction in doing even one thing each day.

-I have Lost the notion that I can do it on my own.

--I have Found that through Christ I can do all things.

I am also learning what it means to put another's needs before my own. I am learning to be a Mommy.